Author’s Note

‘A Good Man’ is the first book of The Paul Robertson Saga, which is currently four books long. It is followed by ‘A Tortured Soul,’ ‘A Wounded Heart,’ and ‘A Healing Love.’

In addition, it takes place in the Westmouthshire Universe and may be beneficial to have read some of the other Westmouthshire Novels, but that is not essential. Both Chloë Goodman from ‘Kissed by a Rose’ and Will Brown from ‘Eternally & Evermore’ appear in ‘A Good Man,’ and understanding their backstories will enhance your enjoyment.

All these stories take place in Westmouthshire—a fictional county on the South-East Coast of England. ‘A Good Man’ uses some of the locations established in those earlier Westmouthshire Novels and references some characters not mentioned above and some of the events from them. Keep your eyes open and allow a wry smile whenever you spot a reference.

Oh, and one more thing. This book uses uncompromising adult language to depict uncompromising adult emotions and activities. If that is likely to offend you, sorry, but you bought the wrong book.

Prologue: You’re Going to Miss Him

---

JUNE 2048

I extended my hand to the elegant elderly lady in the long black dress and stepped forward to kiss her cheek when she accepted it. Despite being in her seventies, Amy Brown possessed all the poise, grace, and beauty of a woman at least half her age. She drew me in for a hug and held me tightly.

I hugged her tightly until she tapped my shoulder and we parted. I held her hands, looked into her eyes and smiled.

“It was a beautiful service,” I said. “Will would’ve approved.”

She smiled back and nodded, tears welling in her eyes. “He loved you,” she said. “You were the son he never had.”

I didn’t reply immediately. I didn’t need to. Amy knew that Will had been like a father to me since I lost my real father.

But more than that—more than being my mentor, my teacher, and then my business partner—he was also my friend. His death wasn’t unexpected. He’d been ill for over six months. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“I loved him, too,” I said, my voice faltering.

“I know,” she said, still smiling.

I’m a Probate Lawyer. I deal with those left behind by Death every day, but Death has haunted me all my life. Followed me. Taunted me. Death has changed my life and sent it off at a tangent, and made me the man I am today.

“Ready to go, Honey?” my wife asked, putting her hand on my arm and rubbing gently.

I looked into her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes always seemed as if they were seeing right into my soul, even after all these years together. As I stared, she flashed the stunning smile that had captured my heart in our youth and never let go.

I nodded. “Yeah. Time to go.”

She addressed Amy. “If you need anything, just call. We’re here for you, whatever and whenever.”

Amy smiled in response. “Thank you. See you on Wednesday for coffee as usual?”

My wife nodded. “Of course. It’s a highlight of each week.”

We left Hayloft Barn, and I drove us home to Blackthorpe. We remained silent during the journey. Nothing needed to be said. Upon entering our large house, I closed the door behind us and tossed my keys onto the shelf above the radiator in the hallway.

When I turned round, she wrapped her arms around my neck and tilted her head up to kiss me. A sweet, slow-burning kiss—the kiss of two people still in love despite more than thirty years together.

“I love you,” she said.

“Love you, too.”

“It’s days like today that remind me how much, you know?”

I nodded.

“You’re going to miss him, aren’t you?”

“Of course.”

She removed her arms from around my neck and held my hands instead, then tilted her head towards the stairs. “Come on.” I allowed her to lead me up the stairs and into our bedroom, where she kissed me once more. She undressed me while we kissed, then tipped her head back and sighed as I disrobed her, lavishing kisses on each area of exposed skin until she was naked.

Even at fifty-three, she was magnificent. Her blonde hair cascaded around her shoulders, straight and sleek with no hint of grey. Her eyes were still as vibrantly blue as the day I first met her. And although these days they were edged with crow’s feet concealed by her delicate make-up, they still sparkled with love and desire. Her breasts now hung heavier on her frame than when she was a young woman, but were still irresistible.

She let out a soft moan of pleasure and pulled my head towards her chest. There are some things age cannot diminish. We tumbled onto the bed, and I slid my hand down her torso, tracing her gentle curves towards the source of her femininity. She moaned again, then tugged my head away from her breast by my ears, drawing me in for another long, tender kiss.

“Make love to me, Paul,” she said in a hushed tone, barely above a whisper. “Make love to me.”

---

As we lay in each other’s arms afterwards, my mind drifted back in time, reflecting on the choices I’d made that led me to her. Death played its part, yes, but it was the choices I made that mattered more.

And the choice that started it all? That August evening thirty-eight years ago, when I chose to step out of the shadows and help an innocent young woman who changed my world.

1: Mister not My Cester

---

AUGUST 2010

I’m Paul Robertson, I’m seventeen, and I’m nothing special. I’m not rich. I’m not a sports hero or in the town’s brass band, and I’m not a member of The Vic. I’m just me. I do okay in school, but I’m not top of the class or anything—heaven forbid. Girls are allowed to be brains, but not lads. We have to be good at football or cricket instead. Well, it would have to be football in my case—cricket is for The Villagers, not The Townies.

Still, I do well enough in school that I’m confident I can get a place at a decent university next autumn. As long as I don’t mess up my exams, that is. Vicky, my big sister, wants me to go to Westmouth since it’s so close. She says I could live at home and save some money. But honestly, I want to get as far away from Micester as possible.

Still, that’s next year, and I don’t have to decide where I’m going until at least spring. Hell, I could even leave it until the end of next summer and take my chances with clearing. But this autumn, I’ve got to return to Micester High. Not exactly something to look forward to. Of course, I didn’t realise that someone completely unexpected was about to flip my safe, steady world upside down, now did I?

---

I worked part-time—weekends and the odd weeknight if they needed me—waiting tables at the restaurant in Micester Hall, the former home of Lord Liddington, which was vacated by the family in the eighties and converted into a country club and hotel, complete with a spa and golf club.

Lord Liddington was the local landowner and the man who transformed Micester from an insignificant village, much like many other small, unremarkable villages across the country, into the thriving small town it became. The story goes that the town was originally a small Roman settlement, just a stop-off point on the road from the south coast to London. That makes it at least as old as Westmouth and older than Walminster, the two largest towns in Westmouthshire.

Then, in 1848, the date is drummed into us from an early age at Micester’s primary schools, Lord Liddington opened a textile factory with his partner from Westmouth, William Phipps.

The pair transformed the village into a small town for their workers, with their new factory at its heart. They constructed houses, schools, a high street filled with shops, restaurants, pubs, and other amenities. They even built a sports ground. They did it all. And they were pretty good bosses, too, by all accounts. The workers were treated a hell of a lot better than most at that time.

Like I said, they drum all this into us at primary school. Micester’s residents are fiercely proud of the town's history. There can’t be many towns in Britain quite like it.

Oh, and before you try and get your tongue around it, it’s pronounced Mister, as in Mr Smith. Not ‘My Cester’ or ‘Me Cester’ or something like that. I can’t tell you how much it annoys the townsfolk when outsiders get it wrong.

Vicky got me the job at The Hall a year earlier. She’s a junior chef in the restaurant. During the summer, I’d taken every shift I could—often working both lunch and dinner. My aim was to save as much money as possible to escape Micester when the time came.

Liddington-Phipps is by far the most significant influence on not just the town but also the surrounding villages. If you live in Micester, chances are you either work at the factory, are related to someone who does, or work in a business that depends on the factory. Both of my parents worked there until the accident, and I believe they expected me to walk straight onto the shop floor, too, when I left school. But I have no intention of doing that. Not me. No sir. As soon as I can, I’m out of here.

It’s weird, but despite Liddington-Phipps being a world-renowned brand, and the factory thriving as a result, the town never exceeded a population of ten thousand. In the century and a half since the factory opened, Westmouth had grown to a hundred thousand people, and Walminster even larger.

But Micester remained relatively small, and that meant that the town felt fairly close-knit, more akin to a large village than a small town. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone knows everyone’s business. That’s why you don’t get any job in the town unless you have connections or are supremely talented. Lucky for Vic, she’s supremely talented. I expected she’d be the Head Chef there one day; she really was that good.

Everyone in the town was also very familiar with the affairs of the Liddington family, who still owned the majority share of the factory after all these years.

The last weekend in August, a week before school was set to begin, there was a grand wedding at Micester Hall. Christine Liddington was marrying Jake Rogers, a minor local celebrity.

Everyone in the town was talking about it.

Micester had a semi-pro football team, Micester Town, which was very much part of the town’s identity. It was a couple of rungs down the ladder from the professional leagues, but that’s not surprising since part of the club’s constitution stated that all players had to be dyed-in-the-wool locals, and most of the players worked full-time at the factory.

They did get special privileges for being part of the team, though.

Jake Rogers had been one of only a handful of former players who were talent-spotted and snapped up by a professional club. He’d played mainly in the second tier but made it to the Premier League for a couple of seasons in the mid-nineties. Apparently, the town was buzzing about that. All the shops had posters of him in their windows, and the pubs would organise trips to watch him play. I couldn’t remember; I was just a toddler at the time.

Now, he was back as player-manager of Micester Town and had big ambitions for taking the club higher up the pyramid. How the hell he’d managed to land the Liddington widow to boot was anybody’s guess. But he had.

I worked at the wedding reception, carrying plates of nibbles, serving Champagne, and then finally waiting tables when the great and the good of East Westmouthshire sat down to eat. Most of them probably didn’t even register that I was there. I suppose that type doesn’t notice the hired help. Not even Clarissa, with whom I’d shared classes for the past six years. But then, why would she? She was a Liddington. One of The Villagers. The ‘Head Villager.’ She was biding her time in school until she could choose from any number of wealthy suitors, settle down, and produce the next generation of the town’s elite.

After the meal, I helped clear the tables, and as the wedding couple took their first dance, I went on my break. I grabbed a Coke and slipped out onto the patio behind the reception room. The velvet curtains were drawn, so I couldn’t see what was going on inside, and no one inside could see me. That suited me just fine, thank you very much. I threw myself into a chair in the shadows, away from the French doors, popped the can, and tried to relax for the only twenty minutes I was going to get that night. Soon, it would be back to topping up glasses and passing around trays of finger food.

About halfway through my break, a commotion by the French doors caught my attention. Jake dragged Clarissa onto the patio by the arm while she made a futile attempt to resist him. He glanced around, to ensure no one was nearby, I assume. He either didn’t spot me in the shadows or didn’t deem one of the staff important enough to worry about. Still gripping her arm tightly, he yanked her round so that she was facing him and said, “You will do as you are told, young lady!”

“Ow. Let go, you’re hurting me.”

“And I’ll hurt you a lot more if you don’t do as you are told! You embarrassed me in there.”

“I told you, I’m not dancing with that ape. Or any of your other star players.”

“Now look here, you are my responsibility now, and while you are living under my roof, you will do as I tell you. Now, get back in there and dance with Del, and with anyone else in the team who asks. Then, next week, you and Del will start dating. It’s for the good of the team and the good of the town. Do you hear me, Clarissa Rogers?”

She stopped struggling and stared back defiantly. “My name is Clarissa Liddington, and you are not my father,” she spat. “You are just some man that Mom married. And it’s not your roof I’m living under, it’s Mum’s.” She glared at him. “No. It’s Daddy’s. You can’t tell me what to do.” She stamped her foot.

Jake swiftly raised his hand and struck Clarissa across the face, causing her to yelp. That was the final straw. I stood and stepped out of the shadows. As Jake lifted his hand again, I said, with more confidence in my voice than I actually felt, “That’s enough!”

They both snapped their heads around to look at me. I can only imagine how I must have appeared to them, emerging from the darkness. I may not be the big sports hero type, but I’m not a small, skinny guy either. I straightened to my full six feet two, puffed out my chest, and strode forward.

“Back off, son,” Jake said as he pointed towards me. “This is none of your business.”

“When I see some bloke hitting a girl, I make it my business.”

“I’ll say it again, lad,” he growled. “This is none of your business. Walk away before you find yourself in it up to here.” He gestured to his throat. That must have been the moment he recognised my staff uniform because he added, “Don’t you have drinks to serve? Get back to work.”

Clarissa wrenched her arm from his grip and ran towards me. Jake made to come after her, but I stepped forward and positioned myself between them, nodding towards the doors. “Go on, back inside. I’m sure your new wife is wondering where you’ve gone.”

He bristled, opening his mouth but biting his lip. He clenched his jaw, and a vein pulsed in his neck, then turned on his heel and walked towards the door. Before he rejoined the party, he added, “Big mistake, son. Big mistake.”

Behind me, Clarissa quietly sobbed. I turned around and said, “Are you okay?”

She shook her head. I opened my arms, and she fell into them, her head resting on my chest as her tears soaked my shirt. I didn’t say anything. I just held her.

I can’t tell you how many years I’d dreamed of holding Clarissa Liddington. Holding her close. Touching her. Caressing her. But I always knew it was an unattainable fantasy. She was a Liddington. The Liddington. The Heiress. And now, here she was, in my arms.

Only, I never imagined it would be like this. I didn’t caress her. I didn’t stroke her back. I just held her until she stopped crying.

She stepped back, stood up straight, and took a deep breath. “I… I’d better go back. Mum will be looking for me.”

I nodded. “My break’s just about over, so I’d better get back as well, but…” I paused and wiped just under my eye with my finger. “You might want to pop to the ladies’ room first, though.” I smiled. “Just a quick touch-up of your make-up.”

She mirrored my action, wiping under her eye. She pulled her finger away and looked at the mascara smeared on it. She smiled back at me. Just a hint of a smile, but even that was enough to make her look beautiful. Not that she wasn’t already the most beautiful girl in school, because she definitely was.

She looked into my eyes, nodded, then turned around and was gone.

I hesitated before going back in. I’d been holding Clarissa Liddington, but did she even know who I was? Did she recognise me from school? Probably not. She was a Villager, and I was a Townie. We didn’t mix. That wasn’t how Micester High worked.

It wasn’t how Micester worked.

2: First Day of School

---

The first day back at school was exactly as it had been for the last six years. The new Year Seven kids looked scared, nervous, and this year in particular, really, really small. Although I suppose I was just bigger than I used to be. During the first two periods, we were given a pile of forms to complete, and we had to figure out our timetables.

As it turned out, my first classes of the week should have been periods one and two, but, obviously, they weren’t because we were too busy filling in the forms and shit. I had free time during periods three and four—sorry, I mean, I had ‘self-directed study time’ during periods three and four, which meant my first proper class wasn’t until after lunch. English Lit with Miss Pattison.

My friends weren’t quite so lucky, and they all had lessons while I faced the prospect of sitting in the library alone for two hours with nothing to do. It wouldn’t be too bad once we got into the swing of things. I was taking four A-levels, each one occupying six of the thirty weekly timetabled periods. That left me with six frees—sorry, ‘self-directed study periods’—and having two of them together like this, when none of my friends would be about, would mean I wouldn’t get distracted and would get more studying done. But on that first day, there wasn’t yet anything for me to study.

I had to find something to do while waiting for lunch on that first day, so I decided to look through some of the university prospectuses in the library. They were last year’s, but that wouldn’t make much difference at this point. I was already fairly certain about what I wanted to do at university—Law. I suppose the lawyer who sorted things out for Vicky and me after the accident inspired me. He helped people in their most difficult times. That’s what I wanted to do.

Help people.

But I didn’t know where I wanted to go. Vicky kept telling me about how convenient Westmouth would be, and she was right; it would be convenient. Besides, it wasn’t as if it were a bad university. It had a good reputation but…

A delicate cough interrupted my thoughts. I looked up from the Westmouth prospectus to see the most beautiful girl in the world standing at the end of the table.

Her loose golden curls perfectly framed an impossibly pretty face. A stray lock of hair had fallen out of place and brushed her high cheekbone. She pushed the strand behind her ear and blinked, which drew my attention to her piercing sapphire eyes, the same colour as the sky of a sunny summer’s day.

Despite her immaculate appearance—white blouse, black, knee-length skirt, and matching heels—and her air of effortless elegance, she looked nervous, demure even, as she held her hands in front of her.

“Hi,” she said with a shy half-smile. “Mind if I sit with you?” There was something about her tone, though I wasn’t quite sure what it was. Fear? Hope? Or perhaps I was reading too much into it. Maybe she was simply nervous. I certainly knew how that felt.

I shook my head and waved towards the empty seats, too dumbfounded to speak. In all the time we had been at the same school, I couldn’t recall ever having a single conversation with Clarissa Liddington. It wasn’t done. I was a Townie, after all.

So, Clarissa Liddington, the Head Villager, asking to sit at the same table as me?

I’ll admit, it threw me. It just wasn’t done.

She pulled out a chair and sat with a straight back, her hands clasped together on the table in front of her. It wasn’t that she looked uncomfortable, but she didn’t appear at ease either. As I said, it was probably just nerves. Perhaps she was pondering what to say. Or how to say it.

“Paul, I…” She paused and looked down at her hands. I’m ashamed to admit I was surprised she even knew my name. I shouldn’t have been; we were in the same year after all, but I was. That’s ‘The Great Divide’ for you.

She looked up at me and seemed to steel herself, taking a brief breath before she said, “I never got to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“For what you did at the wedding.”

“Oh. That’s okay. I was just—”

“You weren’t just anything.” Her eyes went wide as she interrupted me. “It took a lot of guts to stand up to Jake like that.”

I shrugged. Perhaps it did, but he backed off much easier than I had anticipated. Maybe his reputation was undeserved.

“I mean it.” She reached out to touch my hand, but only for a second before pulling away swiftly, as if she’d just stuck her hand in a fire. “I don’t know anyone else who would have done that. Then afterwards…” She held her hands in front of her once more, staring at them while shaking her head. Then she looked up at me, held my gaze, and said, “How did you know?”

“Know what?”

The intensity of her stare was almost frightening. She meant what she was saying; that much was obvious. It was evident in those penetrating blue eyes. “That all I needed was a hug. How did you know that? Most people would have kept asking if I was okay or tried to get me to talk about it or…” She looked away and shuddered before meeting my gaze again. “I can name more than a few guys who’d have tried to cop a feel. But you…”

A shrug. A tilt of her head. A softening of her eyes. Damn, she looked beautiful at that moment. Beautiful and vulnerable. I wanted to hug her again. To protect her. From what, I wasn’t sure, but from something. But instead, I sat still.

“I just wanted to say, thank you, that’s all.”

I nodded and said, “You’re welcome.”

She smiled.

I said she looked beautiful before, but it was nothing compared to when she smiled. It was a big, infectious, luminous smile. So bright and beautiful that it felt like staring at the sun.

She didn’t just smile with her mouth, but with her whole face. She seemed to glow. Whichever God had blessed her with that smile deserved praise.

Seeing her smile made you want to smile. Made you feel happy. Made you feel important.

Clarissa was smiling at me. And knowing I was the one who had made her smile? That felt good. Really, really good.

“Great,” she said. “I, er… I guess I’ll see you later. You’ll be in Miss Pattison’s English class, right?”

“Yeah.”

“See you there then.” Then she was gone. And just like that, the order of things at Micester High, or at least what I thought was the order of things, had altered ever so slightly.

---

With a free period right before lunch, I was naturally one of the first into the canteen. I sat at a table for four and, soon enough, Kevin Bootes and Billy Jackson, my two best friends, joined me.

“What up, Paul?”

“What up, yourself, Kev.”

“Hey, you see The High Princesses today? Totally hot, Slim.” Billy called everyone Slim, for some reason I’d never quite worked out. The High Princesses in question were Clarissa and her two best friends, Emily White and Grace Adams.

“Totally hot and totally unobtainable,” said Kevin. “The only Townie likely to get anywhere with one of those two is Del Stevens or one of Jake Rogers’ other hot shots. Besides, you already have a girlfriend.”

“Hey, just ‘cause I got a sweet little roadster, don’t mean I can’t dream of test driving a Ferrari, now does it?”

“It does when the roadster in question will likely cut your dick off if you even think about it,” I said. “You don’t want to mess with Ellie. She’s a wild one.”

“And you’d know, Slim?”

“She dumped me, didn’t she? I showed you the bruises, right?”

“That you did,” said Kevin. “Man, I can’t believe you cheated on her, you dumb fuck.”

“Hey, I was fifteen. Young and dumb. It wasn’t my fault.”

Ellie Wells and I had dated for about four months back in Year Ten before she caught me playing tonsil hockey with another girl at a party. Shit, was that ever a mistake. And one I learned from, I can assure you.

“Hey, you lot hear about The Quilters after-match party in Del’s basement?” Billy asked. The Quilters was Micester Town’s nickname because one of Liddington-Phipps’ main products was quilted bedspreads.

“Let me guess,” I said, “Del and a couple of the other blockheads on the team took some slut down there and banged hell out of her.” The after-match gangbangs weren’t exactly a secret, more of a team tradition.

“It weren’t just any slut, though, Slim.”

I stared at him. “Who?”

Billy suddenly clammed up. He didn’t look as if he was going to share the name any time soon.

“Well? You can’t dangle something like that out there and then not tell me.”

“Kelly Anderson.”

“You’re shitting me,” said Kevin.

“You mean…? Not my Kelly Anderson.”

“How many Kelly Andersons do you think there are in this town, Slim?”

I glared at Billy.

“Well, she’s not really your Kelly anymore, is she?” said Kevin. “I mean, she dumped you, like, over a year ago.”

“I know, but, shit, man, we’re still friends. You’ve got to be wrong, Bills. There’s no way Kels would do something like that.”

“Ask her, man. She’s not exactly hiding it. She’s telling people she enjoyed it, apparently. I mean, I’ve not spoken to her or nothing, but that’s what everyone’s saying.”

I stared towards the lunch queue, not really looking at it, lost in thought. Could Kelly really get into a gangbang with The Quilters? Surely not.

I scanned along the line, hoping to see Kelly. It was true that we were still friends, and I knew if I asked her outright, she’d tell me the truth. But instead of Kelly, it was Clarissa who caught my eye. She smiled, illuminating the whole room, and waved. Still somewhat dazed, both by my brief tête-à-tête with Clarissa in the library and the news about Kelly, I lifted my hand and waved back. Her grin grew even wider and then she turned and began talking to Emily—a near carbon copy of Clarissa, if not for her dark hair in contrast to Clarissa’s honey blonde.

“Slim, is it me or did The Head Villager just wave at you?”

I looked at Billy, stunned further by the extra degree on which the world’s axis had just tilted. “Sorry. What?”

“She did. Man, you’re in with The Lid!” He snapped his fingers together in mid-air.

“Don’t be daft, Bills. She’s just being polite.”

“Slim, The Lid ain’t polite to anyone, much less a Townie like you. I mean, she don’t need to be, does she? She’s The Head Villager for fuck’s sake. I tell you, Slim, you’re in. I mean, she’ll probably just bang you for a couple of weeks, then move on, but what a couple of weeks, huh.”

“Bills,” said Kevin, “The Ice Princess over there doesn’t bang anyone. At least, not that anyone knows of. The way I hear it is that she has to be a virgin on her eighteenth birthday, or she loses her inheritance. And her Daddy left her a hell of an inheritance.”

I tuned out Kevin and Billy as they discussed one of the town’s favourite topics—Clarissa Liddington’s inheritance. The truth was that no one knew the conditions of her late father’s Will or what her inheritance was likely to be.

Except for her.

But that didn’t stop everyone in Micester from pretending they had inside information, though.

3: The World Turned on its Head

---

The entire afternoon session, periods five and six, was made up of double English Lit. Hannah Pattison was an outstanding teacher, one of my favourites, and I always looked forward to her lessons. She had this way of guiding your thinking in the right direction without you realising she was doing it.

English Lit was probably the most subscribed of all the A-level courses, so while in some of my lessons, like French, I could sometimes have a desk or two all to myself, there was no such luck in English.

Wherever possible, Miss Pattison preferred that we sit with one boy and one girl at each double desk for some reason. I asked her about it once after class last year, expecting her to say it was something to do with controlling behaviour in the class or something. But instead, she told me that because different sexes typically approached literature from differing perspectives, placing them together provided a more balanced picture.

Then she’d laughed and said that if she could also play matchmaker, it would be a bonus.

I was one of the first to arrive at class that first day and sat at the desk I’d occupied the previous year, expecting Kelly to sit next to me as she had last year. Like I said, she might have dumped me, but we were still good friends. And even if I didn’t get the chance to discuss what did or didn’t happen over the weekend, I wanted her to know we were still friends no matter what.

But if Clarissa had made my day weird up to that point, she was about to flip it completely on its head.

She, Emily and Grace strode into the room as if they were walking through their own front door, chatting to each other as if they were the only ones in the room. You could see why so many people called them arrogant. There were more girls than boys in this class, so Miss Pattison’s ideal seating arrangements were compromised. Last year, Clarissa had sat with Emily, but this year…

“This seat taken?” she asked, gesturing to the seat next to mine with her books.

I looked at her wide-eyed. “N… No. Not really. I mean, I thought that—”

“Do you mind?”

I fell silent and shook my head. This wasn’t happening. Or, if it was, she was setting me up for something. And if she was, there wasn’t much I could do about it. I mean, you didn’t tell Clarissa Liddington she couldn’t sit next to you. You didn’t tell Clarissa Liddington she couldn’t do anything.

“Great,” she said with a solar-bright smile as she took a seat. Grace and Emily took the table in front of us. Clarissa flashed me another one of those knockout smiles and said, “Thanks.”

In front of us, Grace and Emily were giggling.

What the hell had just happened?

Before I could figure anything out, Kelly and most of the rest of the class came in. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me. She furrowed her brow, then her eyes narrowed. Seconds later, she raised her eyebrow in question and quickly picked up on my own confusion from my expression, shrugged, and found another seat.

Miss Pattison walked in, carrying a pile of novels, which she immediately began distributing. She hesitated at my desk, glancing at me, then at Clarissa, and back at me. It appeared I wasn’t the only one who thought there was something wrong with this picture. Still, Miss Pattison smiled and handed Clarissa two copies of the book. She passed one to me, accompanied by another of her knockout smiles.

“I love Austen,” she said enthusiastically. I glanced at the cover. ‘Pride & Prejudice.’ Why was I not surprised? It felt like a very Miss Pattison choice of book.

After Miss Pattison had finished handing out the books to the rest of the class and deposited the spare copies on her desk, she turned to face us, holding up her copy. “So, who’s read it?”

A whole bunch of hands went up, I didn’t count how many, but did notice they were all girls, including Clarissa.

“Anyone care to summarise the plot? Clarissa?”

Clarissa put her hand down and straightened her back. “Well, it’s basically a love story. You’ve got Elizabeth and Mr Darcy, and they’re destined to be together, right? But neither of them can see it or will admit it because they don’t believe society would allow them to be a couple. She thinks he’s too good for her, and he thinks she’s beneath him. Except that they don’t, not really, they just think like that because everybody thinks they should. It’s sort of complicated.”

“I hear that Chloë Goodman’s going to play Elizabeth in an American remake of the mini-series,” said Emily.

“Oh, she’d be perfect,” said someone from the other side of the room.

“Nah,” said another voice, “She’d be too old by now, wouldn’t she?”

“She still looks young enough, though,” said someone else.

“Yes, yes,” said Miss Pattison, nodding. “Well, we shall see. I hear the project has been put on hold, but we’re not here to talk about any television adaptations. We’re here to discuss the novel and the complexities that Clarissa mentioned. It’s those complexities that we will explore. So, any volunteers to begin reading?” She raised an eyebrow while looking at me. “Paul?”

Resigned, I nodded and opened the book. I’d have to read at some point because she always made everyone in the class read aloud at least once a week. She said it was good practice. Practice for what, I’m not entirely sure. I took a deep breath and began.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. However little known…”

---

After the lesson, Clarissa smiled at me as she rose from her chair and hurried away with Emily and Grace. Kelly stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyebrow arched, as she waited for me to gather my things and cram them into my bag.

“Sitting with Clarissa Liddington?” she asked when I looked up. “I’m not good enough for you anymore, huh?”

I gave her what I thought was my friendliest smile. “If I remember right, I wasn’t good enough for you, which is why you dumped me. You, on the other hand, will always be good enough for me. Maybe even too good.”

She rolled her eyes. “So, when did up become down and The Head Villager start sitting with a Townie?”

“I don’t know. Last time I saw her before today, I was waiting tables at the big wedding—”

“Bet that was fun.”

“—then today she comes by to say hello, during third period while I was in the library, and then she asks if she can sit next to me at the start of this lesson.” It wasn’t exactly the whole truth, but I wasn’t about to betray Clarissa’s confidence about what happened at the wedding. There was always plenty of gossip circulating around the school without me adding to it.

“Well, I’m sure we’ll find out what her game is in good time.”

“Maybe she’s not playing any games.”

“You’re kidding, right? The Head Villager, not playing games? It’s all she does. It’s, like, her job or something.”

“Whatever.” I looked at my watch. “Walk home with me? Or do you have some after-school thing?”

“First day back? No way. So, yes, I’ll walk home with you. If you still want to be seen with me that is.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

She smirked. “You can’t tell me you haven’t heard what happened on Saturday. Everyone else has.”

I nodded. “Billy might have mentioned it. So, it’s true then?”

Her cheeks heated, and she nodded. “Do you hate me?”

“Why would I?”

“For being a slut.”

“You’re not—”

“It’s what everyone’s saying.‘Kelly, The Quilters’ Slut’”

“Yeah, well, when have I ever been known to listen to what everybody’s saying, let alone care?”

We’d wandered out of the classroom and headed towards the front of the building. Being the oldest in the school had its privileges, and using the same main entrance as the teachers was one of them.

“So, you really don’t hate me?”

I stopped walking. Kelly stopped too and faced me. “What?”

“I could never hate you. Never. You understand?”

“Even though I broke your heart.”

“It had to get broken for the first time by someone. I’m glad it was you. Glad because to get my heart broken, I got to love you in the first place, and glad because we were able to stay friends after it.”

She offered me one of the special smiles she used to save for me when we were going out. Even a year after she dumped me, those smiles still sent chills up my spine.

“Look, I’m sure you had a reason for doing whatever you did on Saturday, and before you start, I really don’t need to hear the details of what went on, okay?”

“Okay,” she said with a laugh.

“And whatever your reason… Well, you’re still my Kelly.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “Your Kelly?”

I chuckled. “Force of habit that I never lost. Look, you’ll always be my Kelly.”

She shook her head. “Always?”

I nodded. “Even in fifty years when we’re both old and grey, suffering from dementia and being pushed around in a wheelchair by our respective spouses, you’ll still be my Kelly.” I smiled. “You were my first love, Kels. No one can ever change that. You’ll always be special to me.”

“Even though we both know we’ll never end up together.”

“Especially because we know we’ll never end up together. You were right, if we’d stayed together, we’d have killed each other. And this school has enough gossip without a joint homicide.”

She shook her head. “I love you, you know. I mean… Not like that. But…”

We started walking again. When we were outside in the early evening September sun, I asked, “So what was the reason?”

“Huh?”

“Saturday. You had a reason, right? What was it?”

She thought for a second. “I guess… I guess I just wanted to try it. I mean… Look, you were good, really fucking good, but…”

“It was one of your fantasies, wasn’t it? You told me that once, I’m sure you did.”

She blushed.

“It’s okay. I get it. I think.”

“I knew you would. I just wish everyone else would.”

“Don’t sweat it. It’ll be someone else next week. Someone else the week after that.”

“I guess. I just hope this doesn’t follow me around for the rest of my life.”

“It won’t.”

“You sound more confident about that than I feel.”

We walked on in silence for a few minutes, then I asked, “So… How was it?”

She gave me a sideways glance. “I thought you didn’t want details.”

“I didn’t ask for details. Just… you know, in general, how was it?”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“Fucking amazing!”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve never come so many times, or so hard. But you know what?”

“What?”

“I don’t think it was so much who I was doing it with as what I was doing. Does that make sense?”

“Sort of. I guess.”

“It’s like… You made me come, you know that, right? You took the time to learn how to touch me the way I liked to be touched, and you could make me come like that!” She snapped her fingers. “But those guys, none of them would know how to find my clit if they had a fucking map. Or maybe it’s ‘cause they couldn’t be bothered to look. It was all about them, you know. Their pleasure. Getting their rocks off. I was just a convenient couple of holes or three.”

“Three? You don’t mean?”

She grinned and nodded. “They call it being made watertight, don’t they? Or is it airtight? But anyway, the only reason I came at all was that I was so excited by the situation. I think if it had been any of them on their own…” She shrugged.

We reached my house, said goodbye, and I went inside. Kelly lived a bit further up the same street. I sighed and leaned back against the door when I got in. It had been a very interesting first day back.

4: There’s No Rule Against It

---

I woke up earlier than usual on Tuesday morning, after not having had the best night’s sleep. Strange dreams, which, as dreams often do, faded so quickly that I couldn’t recall what was so strange about them. I think they may have been about Clarissa. I may have kissed her in the middle of the school canteen, with everyone standing around watching, pointing, and laughing.

I stared at the ceiling for ten minutes, trying to put the previous day into some kind of perspective. Clarissa had fulfilled her duty. She’d thanked me for being there when she needed someone (I’m not so arrogant as to think she needed me—she just needed someone that night at the wedding) and had even gone further by gracing me with her presence for a couple of hours in English class.

In her world, that was more than enough thanks. I fully expected the world to right itself when I got to school and for everything to return to what passed for normal at Micester High.

So, when I sat down at our usual table at lunchtime to wait for Kevin and Billy, I nearly fell out of my chair when a voice behind me said, “This seat is free, right? It’s usually just the three of you.”

I turned my head and gave Clarissa what was fast becoming my default expression when she spoke to me—wide-eyed and open-mouthed bewilderment.

She placed her plate on the table and took the seat next to me. “Paul, if we’re going to be friends, you really need to stop acting so surprised every time I talk to you.”

“Fr… Friends?”

“Yes, friends. Friends talk to each other, don’t they?”

“So, we’re friends now?”

“Of course.”

“But… I mean… you’re…”

“The Head Villager. I know. Don’t remind me. And you’re a Townie. So what? We can be friends, can’t we? There’s no rule against it, is there?”

“I thought there was,” I said, having regained some control over my vocal cords. I don’t think my brain had quite re-engaged yet, though, judging by that banal remark.

“Well, you thought wrong.” She sounded weary, even more so after she sighed. “I get so sick of it all. Don’t you? ‘The Great Divide,’ or whatever they call it. Look, the truth is that I can trust you. I know that now. And if there’s someone you know you can trust, then they’re your friend, right? That’s how friendship works.” She paused. “Sometimes.”

I shook my head. And I had expected the world to right itself.

“How do you know you can trust me?”

She looked me in the eye and said, “Including you and me, how many people do you think know about what happened on that patio at the wedding? Besides Jake, that is. He doesn’t count.”

I thought for a second. “Four. Me, you, Grace and Emily.”

Without taking her eyes from mine, she said, “Two.”

“Two? But what about—”

“The biggest gossip in school? What do you think I am? Stupid? Don’t get me wrong, I love Grace to pieces, but I couldn’t trust her with something like this.” She paused again. “Actually, I’m not sure what I could trust her with.”

“And Emily?”

“Emily’s my best friend. She’s like my sister, but you don’t have to tell your sister everything, do you? Some things you need to keep to yourself.” She took a deep breath. “Look, after I took your advice and fixed my make-up, I went back to the party, painted on a happy face and acted like everything was fine and dandy. I didn’t say anything to Emily because Grace was with her, which would have guaranteed it would have gotten back to Mum, and I couldn’t let it spoil her day.

“And I haven’t said anything to Emily since because… Well, I just never really thought I needed to. Honestly, I’d rather just forget about the whole thing. Pretend it didn’t happen. Jake hasn’t said or done anything since, so hopefully it was a one-off.”

She shrugged, and I wondered if she was thinking about the same phrase involving leopards and spots that I was.

With another of those dazzling smiles, she continued, “And I know you haven’t said anything to anyone, which is how I know I can trust you.”

“How do you—”

“Because it would have been all over the school, faster than you could blink if you had. That’s how I know.”

I didn’t say anything for a while, then, “No, I haven’t said anything to anyone. Not even my sister. And I promise I never will.”

“There’s no need to promise. I already know you won’t. You’re a good man, Paul Robertson. Everyone says so. And now I know it’s true. I trust you. And I could use a friend I know I can trust. So… Friends?”

She arched an eyebrow, smiled and held out her hand to me. Without a moment’s thought, I took it and we shook to seal the deal. “Friends.”

“Bloody hell!” Kevin stopped dead in his tracks and nearly dropped his lunch tray. Billy, a few steps behind, almost ran into him.

“Hi, Kevin. Hi, Billy.” They both stared wordlessly before glancing from Clarissa to me and back again.

“Sit down, then. Your lunch will get cold.”

Without taking their eyes off Clarissa, Kevin and Billy sat and started eating.

“How’s the curry, Billy?” Clarissa asked. “I’ve never been brave enough to try it myself.”

“Er… It’s… It’s not bad. I’ve had worse. That place on the high street is pretty dodgy, isn’t it, Slim?”

“That it is, Bills,” I replied with a grin. Was that how I’d been? It was pretty funny to watch.

“Yes, I’d heard that,” Clarissa said. “If we want Indian, we always go to Westmouth. There’s this one restaurant on the seafront that’s just fantastic.”

The world definitely hadn’t righted itself.

---

After we’d finished eating, Clarissa accompanied me back to the Common Room. As we walked away, Billy and Kevin suddenly engaged in some pretty animated whispering. When we entered the Common Room, a wave of shocked silence washed across the area as all eyes turned to us. This, I wasn’t used to. I was used to pleasant anonymity. No one ever turned to look when I entered a room, let alone stop talking.

“Thanks for letting me sit with you and the guys. It was fun. Different, but fun. You’ll be in McCarthy’s class later?”

I nodded.

“Great. Wait for me after registration, and I’ll walk with you since Grace and Emily don’t do maths.”

“Sure.”

“Great. See you later.” She touched my shoulder, and then strode over to some of her friends.

I glanced around the room at the people looking at me—most of whom quickly turned away and started whispering in their little groups. I shook my head to clear it and walked towards my usual corner where I could do some reading for Miss Pattison’s class, but I didn’t make it. I’d barely gone two steps when Kelly approached from the side and tapped my arm.

“You got a sec?”

“For you? Always.”

“In private?”

I nodded.

“Let’s find an empty classroom.”

The Common Room was opposite a row of general classrooms, all of which went unused at lunchtime. We stepped into one, Kelly closed the door behind her and then turned to face me.

“So, what’s going on with you and The Head Villager?”

“Is that…?” I sighed. Guess I’d have to get used to this if Clarissa and I were really going to be friends. “Nothing’s going on. She’s just being friendly.”

“Yeah, right. She’s never ‘just friendly’with anyone.” She made air quotes with her fingers. “And certainly not with a Townie.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that people might be wrong about her?”

“No, it hasn’t. Look, just be careful, okay. I’d hate for you to get hurt. Anyway, that’s not why I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh?”

“I…” She glanced away from me and sucked in some air, then faced me again and said with a resolute tone, “I need a favour.”

“What sort of favour?”

“I need a date for Saturday night.”

“A date?” I pointed to my chest.

She nodded. “Yeah. You busy?”

“No. I’m not. I’ve got a lunchtime shift at The Hall, but I’m free in the evening. Me and Kev talked about catching a movie, but nothing concrete.”

“So, you can put him off, right?”

“Do you mind if I ask why? I mean, this is a little out of left field. Even for you.”

“I know, it’s just… You know Mike Thornton?”

“One of Del Stevens’ goons. Plays right-back, doesn’t he?”

Kelly nodded. “He was one of… He was there last Saturday. He’s kinda… But anyway—”

“Kinda what?”

She thought for a moment. “He’s kinda small, you know?” She held up her hand and wiggled her little finger. “But anyway, the point is, he called me last night and asked if I could provide the ‘entertainment’ again this Saturday.” She made air quotes again.

“Oh, right. And you don’t want to?”

“God, no, what do you take me for?”

I gave her a stern look.

“Okay, so I enjoyed last week, that doesn’t make me a slut and doesn’t mean I want to do it again. I mean, I wanted to try it, not make it my lifestyle.”

“It’s okay, I understand. I don’t know if everyone else does, but I do.”

“I know you do. So, you see why I need a date for Saturday night? I need an excuse not to go. You know what they’re like. They ain’t taking ‘No’ for an answer unless their stupid bro-code or whatever says so. So, if I have a date, the code will let them drop it.” She sighed. “Look, I’m not trying to get back together or anything like that, right? I just need someone I can trust to come out with me for one night. As a mate. They’ll move on to someone else, and they won’t bother me again.”

“So, you thought of gullible old me?”

“No. I thought of the one guy in the whole world that I know I can trust.”

“Why is it that I’ve suddenly got girls telling me they trust me?”

“It’s not all of a sudden, Paul. I’ve always trusted you, ever since we were little kids playing in the paddling pool in The Rec. There’s just something… trustworthy about you. It’s the reason we went out in the first place, and it’s the reason I…” She leaned towards me and whispered. “The reason I let you take my virginity.” She leaned away again, and at a normal volume, she continued, “And it’s the reason I knew I could break up with you and we’d still be friends. You’re a good man, Paul Robertson.”

I half-smiled.

“What?”

“You’re the second person to call me ‘A Good Man’ today.”

“Yeah? It must be true, then. Who was the other one?”

I looked deep into her eyes but said nothing.

“She didn’t?” Her eyes widened, and she sounded genuinely shocked. “Really?”

I shrugged. “Look, this might not be a ‘let’s-get-back-together’ date, but we’d still better do things properly or it would look fishy.”

She smirked. “And those idiots would know we didn’t do things properly, how exactly?”

I shrugged and said, “The grapevine?” I matched her smirk briefly, then said, “I’ll pick you up at six-thirty. We’ll grab a pizza, then hit the flicks. Wear something nice.”

She smiled. It wasn’t quite the killer smile that Clarissa had, but it was more than good enough for me.

“Oh, and er… Am I going to get laid?”

She arched an eyebrow.

“It’s just that I need to know so I can come ‘appropriately equipped.’ I mean, it’s been a long time, you know. My stash is probably past its use-by date, and I’ll need to stock up.” I grinned to show I was joking.

She slapped my arm. “You.”

She walked to the door and opened it, but before she left, she shrugged and said, “You never know your luck, Paul. Better to be safe than sorry, don’t you think?” I knew that look. Trouble is, I didn’t know if she was putting it on or not.

---

“Dude,” I called to Kevin as I approached his locker. “We still on for Saturday night?”

“Far as I know. Why? You bugging out?”

“Actually, yeah.” I grimaced. Kevin was a mate, and I hated letting him down.

He gave me a knowing grin. “Hot date? It’s about time. How long’s it been?”

“A while. But it’s not what you think. Kelly needs a date. Cover so that she can tell Del Stevens’ lot to take a running jump.”

“Eh?”

“They want her to ‘perform’ again after the match.”

“Right. I get it.” There was something in his tone I didn’t like.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Mate, tell me. Jesus, it’s not like I’m gonna go off on one or something. Just tell me!”

He shrugged. “I just think…” He paused. “Look, just be careful, okay. Don’t go falling for her all over again. I had a hard enough job snapping you out of it last time, I don’t want to have to do it again.”

I nodded. The big guy might look like a bruiser, but he had a soft centre.

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine. It’s just a favour for a mate. That’s all.”

“Whatever. Just keep your guard up.”

“I will. See you later.”

5: Something in Common

---

Clarissa rejoined Grace and Emily for lunch on Wednesday and Thursday, but she made a point of walking with me to English Lit and Maths, where we sat next to each other and supported one another with the work. This was actually a better arrangement for me than sitting with Kelly in English or with Billy in Maths, because Clarissa was much closer to my academic level.

I’ll be honest, that surprised me. I mean, I’m not top of the class or anything, but I’m way ahead of Kelly and Billy. And Kevin, for that matter, though we didn’t share any classes. And while I knew Clarissa wasn’t as dumb as most people assumed, I didn’t realise just how clever she was. It was certainly a new experience for me to be corrected during a maths lesson rather than being the one doing the correcting.

I found it quite refreshing.

Honestly, though, if you had told me on Monday morning that by Thursday afternoon, I would not only have accepted Clarissa as a friend but would also feel as comfortable around her as I felt with any of my other friends, I would have called for the men in white coats to come and take you away. We were chatting as if we’d been friends forever as we walked back to our lockers in the Common Room to collect our things at the end of the day after Thursday afternoon’s English class.

“Do you want a lift home?” she asked as I took my coat out of my locker.

I closed the locker and stared at her. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it.”

“What about Grace and Emily? Don’t you usually take them home?”

“They’ll cope,” she said with a dismissive hand wave.

“They won’t be upset?”

“They might be. But it does them good to be reminded that I’m not their taxi service at least once a week.” She chuckled. “Come on, let’s go. You can offer me a drink at your place.”

“Guess I don’t have a choice then.”

She flashed me a playful smile. “No,” she said brightly. “You don’t.”

I only lived about a ten-minute walk from school, so it felt weird getting a lift. I’d walked to school every day for the last six years. But it was worth it just to ride in Clarissa’s car. She had one of those cute little super-minis with a folding metal roof.

“I love the colour,” I said. “It matches your eyes.”

She laughed loud and joyously.

“That is the reason I bought it. But you’re the first person to make the connection.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I think most guys would think I’d think it was a chat-up line.” She shrugged. “But it wasn’t, was it?” That smile was back. Damn, she had a lovely smile.

I shook my head. “Just an observation.”

“That’s what I thought.” She leaned towards me and lowered her voice conspiratorially. “I’d have preferred lilac, but they didn’t have that colour, so eye-matching blue it was.”

She pulled up outside my house and put on the parking brake. “So, are you going to invite me in for that drink?”

“I’ve only got Coke or orange juice.”

“Coke’s fine,” she said as she took the keys out of the ignition and looked up at the cloudless sky. “It’s okay to leave the roof down, isn’t it?”

I shrugged. “Anything valuable on show?”

“Just my school bag.”

“Can you put it in the boot?”

“Not with the roof down—there’s hardly any room.”

“Practical car, then,” I said with a smirk.

She slapped my arm and grinned. “Well, next time you can just walk then.”

“Hey, I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I just don’t think it’s the sort of thing you could do a road trip around Europe in.”

“True. But if I were going on a trip around Europe, I’d swap it for something bigger, wouldn’t I?” She paused. “And faster. Something bigger, faster and more comfortable.”

We both laughed at the absurdity of the conversation. As if either of us would be travelling around the world any time soon.

“Better bring your bag in with you.”

“But it’s only school books. No one would want to steal it, would they?

“You never know with some of the folks around here. Better safe than sorry.”

We went inside, and I took her through the hallway to the kitchen, where I put ice in two tall glasses and filled them with Coke before handing one to her. I gestured to the kitchen table, and she pulled out a seat.

“Thanks,” she said and held up the glass before taking a sip. “This is a nice little house.”

Little being the operative word, I thought. Bet your place is enormous.

“You live with your sister, right?”

I nodded.

“What happened to your parents, if you don’t mind me asking?”

I took a deep breath and said, “They were killed. In a car accident. Nearly three years ago now. I’d only just turned fifteen at the time. Vicky was nineteen and became my legal guardian, along with my parents' solicitor. He doesn’t live with us, of course, but he comes by every now and then to check that we’re doing alright.”

“I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “It was three years ago. The anniversary is in November, just a couple of days after my birthday.”

“Man, that’s…” She sighed and stared at her glass.

“Yeah, tell me about it. My sixteenth and seventeenth birthdays weren’t exactly happy.”

“I’ll bet. What happened? No, sorry, that’s tactless of me. I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ve… I suppose I’ve come to terms with it. Sort of.” I gulped. “They’d been out for a meal in Westmouth and on the way back, one of the truck drivers coming out of the factory lost control and wiped them out.” I snapped my fingers. “It was really quick, apparently. They didn’t stand a chance. Which is positive, I suppose. That it was quick, I mean, not…” I shook my head.

“I get it. At least they didn’t suffer, right?”

I took a deep breath. “Right.”

“You know, I think I remember that accident. Or I remember Daddy talking about it, I mean. I think the truck driver had been drinking, hadn’t he?”

I nodded.

“I remember Daddy saying he wasn’t one of ours. He was from an agency or something. He was devastated. But he was also really angry. I don’t think he ever used the agency again. I didn’t realise that was your parents. I suppose I should have, but I never made the connection. Your parents worked at the factory, didn’t they?”

I nodded. “Doesn’t everybody in the town?” I paused. “And your dad ran the place.”

“He did. He loved that place. Our family has run it for years.”

“I know. Everyone in this town does.”

“Yeah, I guess they do.”

We drank in silence for a few minutes. Not an awkward silence. More of the kind that happens when two people are organising their own thoughts and processing their own feelings.

“He died not long after my parents, didn’t he?”

“Daddy?”

I nodded.

“Yeah. Heart attack. Mum says it was the factory that killed him—all the stress of running it, you know? But the doctors said he had a weak heart. The stress didn’t help, but neither did his diet, and he never did any exercise either.” Her expression changed. Her smile faded and her eyes dulled as she stared into space. “I miss him sometimes. Actually, I miss him all the time, but sometimes I miss him more than others.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“I suppose you do.”

We fell silent again, each lost in our own thoughts.

“God, we’re a pair, aren’t we?” she said. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Sorry.”

I shrugged again. “It’s okay. We’d have talked about it at some point, I suppose. Friends talk about their past, don’t they? Even the bad bits.”

“Yeah, they do.” She smiled. A sad smile, but damn, it was still stunning. “Speaking of the past, is it right you’re going back to the past this Saturday?”

“Huh?”

“I heard you were going on a date with that little slut, Kelly Anderson. But didn’t she break up with you, like, a year ago or something?”

“She’s not a slut.”

“You do know she partied in Del Stevens’ basement last weekend, don’t you?”

“So?”

“So? Everyone knows what goes on down there and, I mean, only sluts would go down there with them, wouldn’t they?”

“She’s not a slut.”

Clarissa arched her eyebrow and gave me a look that left me in no doubt how stupid she thought I was being.

“Okay, maybe she was for that one night, but that doesn’t mean she’s a total slut all the time.”

She huffed.

I thought for a second and then said, “I can trust you, right? Anything said is just between us?”

“I told you that you could, didn’t I?”

“Okay. It’s like this. She… I guess you could say she wanted to try it. See what it was like.”

Clarissa rolled her eyes. “That’s what they all say.”

“And in Kelly’s case, it’s the truth. Back when we were together, we used to talk about things we’d like to do, you know, like fantasies or something. Well, doing what she did on Saturday was one she used to mention.”

She shook her head. “But why? I mean, I don’t get it? Fantasies are one thing, but acting them out is something else altogether. It’s like, I have this fantasy of—” She stopped abruptly.

I grinned. “What?”

She shook her head. “Nothing.” She blushed. “It’s embarrassing. But the point is, it might be something I fantasise about, but it’s not something I’d ever do!”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I just wouldn’t. It’s not real. It’s a fantasy.”

I thought for a moment and said, “Look at it this way, you’ve been to Indian restaurants, right? You mentioned that one on the sea front in Westmouth.”

She nodded.

“And you look at the menu and you see the phall, the really hot one, the hottest they have, and you think, not today, and you go for a korma instead.”

“How did you—”

“Because we all do it. The korma might be mild and it might be a bit boring, but at least you can feel your tongue afterwards.”

She laughed. “Yeah.”

“Well, don’t you think to yourself that one day, one day, you’ll give the phall a try? One day, you’ll have the guts to order it and to hell with the consequences.”

“I guess.”

“So, let’s say that you do it. You order the phall, and you enjoy it. But once is enough, just to say you’ve done it, and the next time you order another korma.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“It’s the same with Kelly. She found the guts to try it, but once was enough. We’re going out this Saturday so that she has an excuse when Stevens and his goons come looking for a repeat performance.”

Clarissa frowned and bit her lip. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

I nodded.

“You were really cut up when she dumped you last year.”

“You noticed?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I notice a lot of things. I’m very observant. Most of the time.”

“So, I’m discovering.”

“I’d just hate for you to get hurt again.”

“Kevin said the same thing. More or less.”

“Well, he’s right.”

“And I’ll tell you what I told him. I won’t get hurt.”

She thought about it for a moment, then nodded and said, “Okay. But just so you know, if you do, get hurt, I mean, then I’m here for you. Got it?”

I chuckled. “I won’t get hurt, but if I do, then yeah, I’ll seek you out and cry on your shoulder.”

“Good.” She looked at her watch and finished the rest of her drink. “I'd better go. Mum will wonder where I got to.”

I walked her to the car and waved as she drove away. Back in the house, I went upstairs to my room and picked up the photo of Mum and Dad that I had on my bedside table. I stroked Mum’s face with my thumb and smiled. They looked so happy in that photo. It had become easier over the last three years, but I still missed them.

6: Double Date

---

Kevin cornered me first thing on Friday morning. “Dude, are you free tonight?”

I shrugged. “Got nothing planned. Why?”

He raised both eyebrows. “Can you double date with me?”

“What?” I stared at him. Kevin had never asked me to double-date with him before.

“After you blew me off on Saturday for Kelly—which I don’t blame you for, by the way, I’d have done the same thing—well, I sort of asked Lauren if she fancied going out instead.”

“Finally!” I grinned. “It’s about bloody time, mate. Where’d you find the balls?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. She was standing by her locker on her own yesterday afternoon, and I just went for it.”

“Good for you. But what’s this got to do with me?”

“She said she couldn’t come out on Saturday ‘cause she already had plans, but that she could go out tonight instead. The trouble is, her mum will only let her go out if it’s a double date with Lisa.”

Lisa and Lauren Simms were twins. I’d known them since we were all very small. In fact, I’d known most of my friends since we were little. Kevin had had a crush on Lauren for as long as I can remember. She was the more outgoing of the two, which is probably why she attracted more male attention than her sister, even though they were identical. Lisa, on the other hand, was more studious, and it often seemed like she was in her sister’s shadow.

It didn’t used to be like that. For years, most people couldn’t tell them apart. But for the last year or so, they’d started to differentiate themselves. Well, Lauren started to differentiate herself. For example, for as long as I can remember, they’d had the same hairstyle, but six months ago, Lauren had put some red streaks in her hair and cut it shorter so it only reached her shoulders, while Lisa’s was still halfway down her back and solidly raven-black, same as it had always been.

I nodded at Kevin. “In that case, count me in.”

“Thanks, mate. You’re the best. Hey, is this going to get you into any trouble with Kelly, do you think?”

“Why would it?”

“I just thought…”

“Well, don’t think, it doesn’t suit you.” I grinned, and Kevin grinned back. “Just go and find the twins and let them know we’ll pick them up at seven. But, mate, if I end up watching the same film two nights in a row, it’s your fault.”

---

Vicky let me borrow the car on the condition that I drop her off for her shift. She said she’d get a lift back, so I needn’t worry about ending my date early, which seemed a pointless thing to say because her Friday and Saturday shifts always lasted until well after midnight, and the chances were that the Simms twins would need to be home well before then.

I picked up Kevin at ten to seven, and the twins were waiting for us in their front yard when I pulled up as the hour struck. Kevin and Lauren sat in the back, while Lisa got into the front passenger seat beside me. Kevin and Lauren were immediately lost in their own little world, gazing into each other’s eyes and whispering. She seemed as excited as he did.

I think the crush may have been mutual.

“You look really nice tonight,” I said to Lisa.

She smiled demurely and said, “Thanks.” Then, after a pause, she added, “But not as nice as Lauren, right?”

Keeping my eyes firmly on Lisa, I repeated, “You look really nice tonight.”

This time she blushed, smiled and said, “Thanks.”

Kevin and Lauren only had eyes for each other throughout dinner, and I doubt they saw much of the movie either. When we got back in the car afterwards, I asked, “What time do you girls have to be back?”

“Midnight,” Lisa said.

I looked at my watch. “That gives you about an hour. Want to do anything else?”

“Could we go to The Rec?” Lauren asked.

The Recreation Ground was a large public garden with playing fields on the edge of town—one of the facilities set up by Liddington-Phipps when the factory opened. It was also where most of the teenagers went when they were on dates, to do the kind of things that teenagers do when they are on dates, if you know what I mean.

I parked as far away from the other cars as I could and switched off the engine. Kevin and Lauren were all over each other before it had even stopped ticking.

I glanced at Lisa. “Want to go for a walk around the lake?”

She looked behind her, then back at me and nodded. “Good idea.”

The boating lake was just a minute’s walk from where I’d parked, and it would probably take us about twenty minutes to stroll around if we took our time. It was a clear night, and the moon shone brightly high above us. The park was well-lit, so we couldn’t see any stars, just that big, bright moon.

“Thank you for tonight,” Lisa said softly. “It was important to Lauren. She was devastated when Mum said that any first date she went on this year had to be a double date.”

“I was wondering about that. She’s never done that before, has she?”

Lisa shook her head. “She decided I wasn’t getting out enough. She thinks there’s something wrong with me for spending all my time with my nose stuck in a book.”

“She knows you’re top of the class, right?”

“Like she cares. I want to go to university, but she thinks I should just pick some guy, settle down and reproduce. Just like she did.” She paused. Then sighed. “That might be good enough for Lauren, but it’s not good enough for me.” She quickly added, “I don’t mean that in a bad way, I love Lauren to bits and whatever she wants, you know?”

I nodded.

“But I want more.”

“And you’ll get it. I wish I had your smarts.”

She stared at me, and a cute little smile formed at the corners of her mouth, her lips tightly pressed together. Then she shook her head and let out a gentle laugh.

I raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You. Trying to make out like you’re not the smartest kid in the school.”

“I’m not.”

Her eyes went wide. “Like hell, you’re not! You’re so damn smart that you know better than to be top of the class. It’s alright for girls to do well, but you lads have a rep to maintain.”

“Rep? Me?”

She slapped my arm as her smile became a grin. “You know what I mean and don’t pretend you don’t. If you did your best all the time, you’d be top of the class by miles, and the stick you’d take for it from the other lads would make your life hell. So, you slack off just a bit. Just enough. You act all laid back and stuff, but you got straight A*s at GCSE, right?”

I reluctantly nodded. She was right, and I knew it. Even if I didn’t want to admit it. Not to myself, nor anyone else.

“And you’re going to ace your A-levels too, I’ll bet.”

I shrugged. “I still think you’re the smartest kid in the school.”

“Why?”

“You’ve got me figured out, haven’t you? No one else has.”

“That’s what you think.” She grinned. “Paul, everyone in school knows how smart you are. And I mean, everyone. And they all know that you play it down and act like you’re not. It’s no big secret.”

We arrived at a bench on the far side of the lake from the car and sat down. I extended my arm, and Lisa leaned into me. I hugged her gently as we watched the ducks drift lazily by on the inky water.

“This is nice,” she said. “But do you mind if we don’t…” She was softly spoken at the best of times, yet there was something about the way she said this and the manner in which she couldn’t even finish the sentence that made her appear even more vulnerable than usual.

“Don’t what?” I said quietly.

She smiled, and I could see the amusement sparkling in her dark brown eyes. She knew that I knew what she was talking about, but just wanted to make her say it. She shook her head.

“I promise we won’t do anything you don’t want to do,” I said.

“I know we won’t.”

“Don’t tell me,” I said with a sigh. “You trust me, right? Why do all the girls trust me?”

She smiled. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Well, I’m not getting laid right now, am I?” I grinned to let her know I was joking, and she slapped me playfully.

With a roll of her eyes and a giggle, she said, “You’re incorrigible.”

I grinned. “That’s a big word.”

“Well, I’m a big, clever girl. I use big, clever words.” She let out a sigh, leaned her head on my shoulder, and placed her hand on my chest. “I suppose it might be nice if we…” She looked up at me, her eyes wide with expectation. “You know?”

“If we what?”

“Oh, just shut up and kiss me.”

She closed her eyes as our lips met. She was tentative at first, but her lips parted when I probed with my tongue, and we soon heated up. It was nice, but…

It was nice.

I put my hand on her thigh, slid it up to her stomach, and she moaned. Encouraged, I moved higher, cupping her breast. She put her hand on mine, pulled away and shook her head.

“Don’t.”

I nodded and moved my hand back to her stomach. “Hey, can’t blame a guy for trying.”

We kissed a while longer, but I was conscious of the time. I didn’t want to get the girls into trouble by keeping them out past their curfew. As we walked back around the rest of the lake towards the car, Lisa leaned against me while I had my arm around her shoulders.

“Thank you,” she said.

“For what?”

“For not pushing things.” She was quiet for a few paces, then said, “Could you thank Kelly for me tomorrow night too?”

I opened my eyes wide. “Wait, what?”

“I spoke to her yesterday lunchtime to tell her we were going out. Even though I knew you were only doing it to be a mate to Kevin, I still didn’t want to step on Kelly’s toes. But she told me that tomorrow is just you giving her an excuse to not be somewhere else.”

I nodded.

“But still. She could have vetoed tonight. The two of you have history.”

“And that’s what it is. History.”

“Still. Thank her for me.”

We were almost back at the car. It wasn’t rocking, but the windows were a little steamed up.

“It was nice, though,” Lisa said. “The snogging, I mean. I enjoyed it.”

“Me too.”

“Maybe next time I won’t stop your hand.”

“Next time?”

She let out a sigh. “Mum's right, I don’t get out enough. Being top of the class is all well and good, but what’s the point if I’m not having any fun? Life should be fun.”

“Yeah, it should.” I don’t think she was listening. She just kept going. Like the host on that gameshow for clever people—she’d started, so she was going to finish.

“I enjoyed tonight and, you know, since you’re not with anyone right now, I thought you might like to do it again. But just the two of us this time.”

“I’d like that.”

“I mean, nothing serious or anything, just… You would?”

I nodded.

“Oh, I thought... I don’t know, I thought you might need a bit of persuading or something. I mean, I’m not exactly your type, am I?”

I arched an eyebrow. “And what is my type?”

She grinned. “Well, Kelly, for one. Tall. Blonde. Great legs. Great boo—"

“Okay, you’ve made your point. But, it’s like you said, I’m not with anyone, and you’re not with anyone, so who would we be hurting? It doesn’t have to be serious, and if nothing comes of it, well, we’ll have had fun. I hope.”

She smiled. One side of her mouth curved upwards slightly higher than the other. It was cute. “So do I.”

“Next Friday, then? Same time?”

Her smile got wider. “Yeah. Friday.”

By this time, we’d reached the car, and I said, louder than necessary, “Good. I’ll pick you up at seven next Friday, then.”

“Why are you shouting?”

I looked towards the car, and we could just make out Kevin and Lauren disentangling themselves through the misty glass.

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Good idea. That could have been embarrassing.”

I opened the passenger door and held it while Lisa climbed in. As I shut the door, she turned to the back seat and said, “Have fun?”

Kevin and Lauren both mumbled something unintelligible.

“Yeah, I guessed you would.” She turned to face the front again as I got in the driver’s side and fired the engine to life.

7: Warned Off

---

Vicky wouldn’t let me have the car for two nights running, so I walked to Kelly’s house early on Saturday evening, and we took her mum’s car instead. We ate first before heading to the cinema. Micester didn’t actually have a cinema, but the multiplex on the edge of Westmouth was only a ten-minute drive away at the other end of the dual carriageway between the towns. Fortunately, I didn’t have to watch the same film two nights in a row.

Afterwards, we drove back to Micester, parked at The Rec, and took a walk around the lake.

“How did it go last night?” Kelly asked.

“It was good. Lauren and Kevin seem made for each other.”

Kelly laughed. “Yeah, she’s had a crush on him for ages.”

“He’s been crushing on her for ages, too, but never had the guts to ask her out.”

“What about you and Lisa? I know the two of you were only there because of her mum but…”

I shrugged. “It was fine. We left them in the car for a while and went for a walk. We talked and stuff. It was nice.”

“And stuff?” She was grinning.

“You’ve already spoken to her, haven’t you?”

She arched an eyebrow, and her eyes twinkled in answer.

I smiled. “So, we kissed. Big deal. It was a date, wasn’t it?”

“You know she’s had a crush on you for a while, don’t you? That’s why she felt she had to speak to me on Friday. I can’t believe she thought she had to ask my permission.”

“No, I didn’t know that.”

We came to the same bench I’d shared with Lisa the night before and sat down.

“She says you’re going out again next weekend.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

“She’s a nice girl.”

“But?”

“But…”

“No spark?”

I nodded. “Not like with…”

She looked up at me. “I know. I’m sorry. But…”

“Yeah.”

We fell silent and stared out over the lake.

“Don’t hurt her,” Kelly whispered. “She likes you, but she’s not like Lauren. She’s…” She didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“I know. And I will try not to. Hurt her, I mean. But…” I offered my ex-girlfriend a half-smile.

“I know.”

She leaned into me as we watched the moon’s reflection dance with the ripples on the lake’s surface stirred by the wind. She smelled wonderful and felt delightful pressed up against me.

I was starting to think that perhaps coming out with her wasn’t such a good idea after all. My feelings for her were still there. I’d buried them deep over the past year, but they were definitely still there. We’d gone out for about nine months the first time around before things ended, and they’d been the best nine months of my life. People described us as a volatile couple because it seemed we were fighting half the time and loved up the rest.

People stayed out of our way when we fought.

But the fighting never lasted long, and the making up afterwards was always fantastic. We’d given each other our virginities and explored what we could do to each other and with each other to make us feel good. There was a connection between us that would never die. We’d been right to split up when we did, but I would never forget what we’d shared.

I felt her hand on my chest and looked down to see her eyes wide and pupils dilated. She didn’t even need to ask. Our lips met, and we fell straight back into the old routine. There was no need to explore or work out what the other needed. We both knew how much pressure to apply and which way the other was going to move. We were as synchronised as champion ballroom dancers, except we had twinkle-tongues rather than twinkle-toes.

She pulled my hand to her chest, and as I squeezed gently, I could feel the rise and fall of her laboured breathing. She moaned quietly and pulled away, her face flushed with desire.

“Damn.”

“I know.”

“Why the fuck did I ever dump you?”

“Because you realised what I’d already known. That we’re headed in different directions.”

“You want out of here, don’t you? Out of Micester. For good.”

I nodded. “Too many bad memories.”

“Yeah.”

“You knew it had to end eventually, so you got out before we were in too deep and would have been hurt too badly.”

She shook her head. “It didn’t work. It still hurt.”

“Tell me about it.”

She smiled. “It took me ages to get over you.”

“I don’t think I’m quite over you yet.”

“Yes, you are, Paul. You’re doing fine. And I’m happy you’re taking Lisa out again. It’ll do you good.”

“Perhaps.”

“It will. She’s a nice girl.”