Climbing the Ladder 5 - Reaching New Heights

May 27, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

My mom's words staggered me, and I put my hand on the counter for support.

"I...I...uhm...did she leave a note?"

"I don't know. Did you hear about the custody hearing on Friday afternoon?"

"No. I wouldn't have had any reason to because she terminated my guardianship. What happened?"

"Jim and Julie were granted full physical custody of Heather, and Bev was ordered to undergo a psychological evaluation before she would be allowed to see Heather."

"Fuck," I said softly. "I don't know what to say."

"I think that word you just used is pretty clear, and I can't really argue with you using it."

"I should have done something."

"You did everything in your power, Jonathan. Nothing you might have done could have prevented this."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," I replied. "What arrangements did they make?"

"The wake will be Wednesday evening at 7:00pm at Noakes Funeral Home in Milford, and the funeral service will be on Thursday morning at 9:00am at Saint Mark's Lutheran on Buckwheat Road in Milford. She'll be buried at Goshen Cemetery."

"Expect me on Wednesday," I said. "I don't know how I'll get there or exactly when, but I will."

"Are you OK, Jonathan?"

"No, but my housemates and Sofía are here, so I'll be fine. I'll see you on Wednesday."

"Take care of yourself, Jonathan."

"I will," I promised.

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up, then went to sit next to Bianca, who had Sofía in her arms.

"May I hold her, please?" I asked.

Bianca handed Sofía to me, and I held her close with her head resting on my chest.

"Did Bev run away again?" Bianca asked.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "She killed herself Friday night."

"What?!" Bianca gasped. "Oh, my God!"

"Yeah," I sighed. "She lost custody of Heather on Friday afternoon, and she was ordered to have a psychological evaluation before she could see Heather."

"Are you OK, Jonathan?" Violet asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "I just needed to hold Sofía."

"When is the funeral?" Bianca asked.

"Thursday morning at the Lutheran church, about ten minutes from my mom's house; Bev lived next door to us. The wake is on Wednesday evening. I'll give Tony a call in a bit and let him know I plan to go to Cincinnati. I'll see if I can set up a meeting with Gordon or Marvin at MTB Sports Management so I can expense the trip and not have to explain my request for time off."

"It's OK to expense the trip?"

"Expressly permitted at my level. I plan to visit every client at least twice a year, more if they're local. I think a 'high touch' approach is the best way to keep clients. And I have an ask for MTB, as well -- finding someone in LA who represents people in the movie business so I can develop contacts to help CeCi. I had planned to do it by phone, but if I'm going to be in Ohio, I can do it face-to-face."

"Will you fly?"

"That's a good question. The problem is, nobody will rent a car to anyone under twenty-five. I asked Barney at Windy City, and he said the only way that can happen is for military service members with orders or US government employees on official business. I actually asked Personnel, and even Spurgeon can't get that rule waived. So that means either driving or using a car service in Ohio.

"As I think more about it, I'd rather have the flexibility of having my car, and when you work out the total travel time, it's about the same driving as flying, unless I could use the Spurgeon jet, but I don't want to ask this time. If I leave at 9:00am on Wednesday, I'll be there by 3:30pm. I could drive back on Thursday evening, and I'd only miss one full day at Spurgeon because I could write my portion of the analyst report on Wednesday before I left."

"I know you well enough that you're blaming yourself, at least partly," Violet observed. "You did everything humanly possible for her and went WAY beyond what most people would even consider doing, let alone do."

"I agree," Bianca said. "What more could you have possibly done?"

"Not have given Heather to her grandparents."

"I call BS!" Bianca declared. "That was the right thing to do, and you know it! You didn't agonize over it at all because it was so obviously right! The only person who disagreed with you was Bev. Well, her attorneys, but they were paid to agree with her."

"And Glen," I replied.

"I'm not sure I'd concern myself with the opinion of someone who is facing serious State and Federal criminal charges," Bianca said. "Not to mention he'd do anything that might help his case. On the other side, we have every single one of your close friends, your attorneys, your mom, Bev's parents, Ohio DCFS or whatever they're called, and apparently the judge in Ohio, too."

"And Bev is dead because I did that."

"No, she's not," Violet said firmly. "She's dead because she took her own life. You tried to help her time and again, including insisting she see a counselor. She stopped seeing Nancy and stopped going to the support group. It's not like you could have dragged her to either of those because that's not how it works.

"Nancy wouldn't see someone who was adamant they didn't want to see her, and the same is true for the support groups. Short of having Bev committed, I can't see what more you could have done, and the doctors in Kansas didn't think Bev needed to be on a psych hold. At any point, she could have asked for help, but didn't, despite you offering and, in some cases, insisting. All she had to do was accept your repeated offers."

"What Violet said!" Bianca declared.

"And even acknowledging all of that as true," I said with a sigh, "I still feel I could have done something."

"I think it's normal to feel that way," Violet said. "It's the loved ones who feel the pain of suicide."

"Sofía's asleep," Bianca observed.

"I know," I replied. "But I want to hold her."

"Violet, how were you getting home?" Bianca asked.

"We hadn't talked about it."

"I planned to call a car for her," I said. "I'm not disconnecting; I'm just trying to make sense of the world, and right now, holding my daughter is keeping me grounded."

Violet moved to sit next to me and touched my arm.

"We're here for you," she said. "I know you and Bev had drifted apart, but she was still an important person in your life. You've lost two people very close to you, and you want to protect the most important girl in your life -- your daughter. And before you protest, she should be the most important girl in your life. You have to put her ahead of everyone else, the same way you put Heather's best interest ahead of everything else. That's the kind of dad Rose and I needed."

I heard the door open, and Deanna called out, 'Hello'. Bianca got up and quickly walked over to her, and they had a quiet conversation. Deanna came over to the conversation pit.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Jonathan?" she asked.

"I'm OK," I replied. "Well, not OK, but OK, if that makes sense. Holding Sofía helps."

"I'm here for whatever you need," she said.

"Thanks. I should probably call Tony and let him know my plans," I said.

I carefully handed the sleeping Sofía to Bianca and went to the kitchen to make the call. Tony's wife answered and called him to the phone.

"Hi, Jonathan? What's up?"

"I'm going to Cincinnati on Wednesday and Thursday. I'll be in the office on Wednesday morning until about 9:00am, and I'll be back in the office first thing on Friday morning. I just wanted to give you a heads-up."

"Thanks. Did something come up?"

"I'm going to see MTB to see if we can bring in more athletes and also see if I can get a referral to an LA attorney who represents Hollywood interests -- studios, producers, directors, actors, or actresses."

"That's a good play! There's a crazy amount of money in Hollywood."

"That's what I was thinking. I'll see you on Tuesday."

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up.

"Are you not going to say anything at work?" Violet asked.

"I don't know," I replied. "Right now, I'd prefer to keep it private. Nobody will say a word about me going to see a client, and that will prevent people asking questions and repeatedly asking me if I'm OK."

"Sorry," Deanna said.

"I wasn't talking about your single question before, but about what happened with Keiko. Every single day, almost every person I knew was asking me if I was OK. It became oppressive, and that's why I ended up spending so much time at Violet's house, mostly sitting alone and reading. I know all of you care, and I understand you want to know if I'm OK, but imagine dozens of people asking me that question every time I see them. I'll tell a few people, but I'd ask all of you to please keep this confidence for me."

The door opened, and CeCi came into the condo. As I had just predicted, as soon as I told her what had happened, her first question was, 'Are you OK?'. I answered, though I didn't repeat what I'd just said to Bianca, Violet, and Deanna.

"Is it OK to put Sofía in her crib?" Bianca asked.

"Yes," I replied.

Bianca got up and carried Sofía upstairs while I went to the kitchen to make a pot of green tea. Violet followed me to the kitchen area and stood close as I filled the kettle with water.

"I can stay if you want," she said quietly.

"Let's talk privately in the Japanese room once the tea is ready."

I put on the kettle, and we waited in silence for it to whistle. Once it had, I put loose green tea in the strainer, set it in the teapot, then poured hot water over it. I picked up the teapot and a pair of mugs, and Violet and I went to the Japanese room, where we sat in a pair of Papasan chairs.

"I think your decision in Minneapolis was a good one," I said. "You know I want to; I'm just not sure I can be the partner you need right now."

"And if you remember what I said about Minnesota, it was only to sleep with you, but I would have done more, if that's what you had needed. I want to stay to be here for you in whatever way you need. You've been there for me every step of the way, and when I needed you, you did what I needed you to do. It's my turn to do that for you.

"As for being the partner I need, your devotion to Sofía and your innate need to protect those you love mean you are exactly the partner I need. I know you're sleeping with other girls, and I'm not asking you to stop doing that or making any other demands. I want to be here for you and care for you, and if that means making love, then I will."

"And it's that innate need to protect you that gives me pause," I said gently. "I promised I would never do anything that would hurt you, and I'm concerned about your expressed need to have some kind of committed relationship before you were willing to make love with someone."

"If an agreement to have a baby together isn't a commitment to be together, I'm not sure what would be! It's more of a commitment for you than marriage or living together or whatever, because you could never stop being a parent. I've seen that with Sofía. No matter what might happen between you and Bianca, you'll always be there to care for Sofía and will work with Bianca to ensure all of Sofía's needs are met. I'll also point out that keeping your commitment to have a baby together requires making love! Well, unless you suddenly change your opinion about God, you change your name to Joseph, and I change my name to Mary!"

I couldn't help but laugh, "Highly unlikely!"

"The commitment is already there, Jonathan. It's just a matter of how that commitment shapes the future. May I make an observation?"

"Of course."

"You're questioning whether or not you're emotionally ready and are projecting that onto me based on my past. I love you, and I trust you, and I'm ready to give myself to you that way. I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't ready. I stopped you on my birthday because I felt like I was losing control, but I realize now it was desire, not fear. Well, OK, I was nervous, but I confused what I was feeling for an oncoming panic attack. It wasn't. It was a burning desire to be with you."

"I'm just concerned about how this will affect you and affect our relationship."

"No," Violet countered. "You're concerned about how it will affect you. You're not emotionally ready for the relationship you know you want. I understand that, and I'm not making any demands. I'm absolutely positive that when you're emotionally ready, we'll find the correct way forward. For now, though, nothing is preventing us from making love except you."

I took a deep breath and let it out.

"Will you allow me to think about it for a bit?"

"Yes, of course. And may I tell you something that will reinforce my point?"

"What's that?"

"After we were in Minneapolis and I thought about getting in bed with you, I told Lily about it. That's when she said I should suck it up, suck it, and have you fuck my brains out. After she said that, I asked her to go with me to the clinic to get birth control pills. I've been taking them for almost three months."

That was the first time I'd ever heard Violet use the word 'fuck', and it drove home the point that she was a very different person from even six months ago. I had to change the mental picture I had of Violet as a frightened, abused little girl and replace it with a picture of a confident young woman who was ready to explore her sexuality.

"But that's not what you want," I said with a smile. "You asked about making love."

Violet smiled, "Perhaps that's your problem, or maybe 'concern' is better. You can have sex with girls, but you're afraid of making love because of what you think it means. I use that because it doesn't sound as crass as 'screw' or 'fuck'. I mean, seriously, is there a difference?"

"Actually," I replied, "I think there is. I'd equate 'having sex' or 'going to bed together' in a neutral way, but the difference between making love and those other two words is the emotional component. In other words, 'screwing' or 'fucking' would be for fun and physical pleasure; making love would be fulfilling an emotional need."

"And that is, as I said, what scares you," Violet observed. "It's the opposite of what frightened me. For me, it was the physical part that was scary; for you, it's the emotional part. I'm just speculating, but you made love with Keiko, and probably with Bianca to make Sofía, but otherwise, it was 'just sex', even with Bev."

"I can't say you're wrong, though there have been a few other times I've made love."

Violet was quiet for a moment, "Either Deanna or CeCi after Keiko died, right?"

"Very perceptive."

"It makes sense. I know how you were feeling, and after Keiko, it makes sense you would have been with one of the other girls. If Bianca weren't pregnant and didn't prefer girls, it would have been her, I think."

I shook my head, "No, I actually think it had to be Deanna. She was the one who helped me get my head screwed on reasonably straight, and after several long conversations, we made love. That helped me move forward and break the blockade."

"The vicious cycle you told me about, right? The one from which you couldn't figure out how to escape?"

"Yes. Our roles seem to have reversed."

"Because you've undergone two traumatic events and quite a few dramatic ones, all of which have affected you emotionally -- Keiko, of course; everything that happened with Bev up through Friday night; and Sofía's arrival. You aren't an emotional person, but that doesn't mean you aren't affected by emotions. Your need to hold Sofía was about as emotional as you get, though you did cry for Keiko."

"Didn't you just argue, in effect, I shouldn't make a decision because I'm...well, suppressing, I guess, my emotions?"

"I suppose you could see it that way, but it's the opposite, really -- you're reacting emotionally, and that's keeping you from doing what we both want to do and what we both know is the right thing to do."

"You're that sure?"

"If I weren't, would I have agreed to have a baby with you with no pre-conditions? Would I have started taking birth control pills? Would I be asking you to make love to me? Or, if you prefer, to suck you, swallow, then have you fuck my brains out?"

"In the past, I might have argued with you about all of that, but you've turned into the self-confident, adventurous, inquisitive young woman I was sure was trapped behind the traumatic experiences of her teenage years."

Violet smiled, "Remember what I said before -- we don't have to make love. I want to, but if simply cuddling is what you need, that's fine."

"And you can resist the temptation?" I asked with a smirk.

Violet laughed, "I can if you can!"

"I usually sleep naked, but I do have pyjamas to help with the temptation. But what about you?"

"One of your T-shirts would be like a nightgown on me!" she said with a soft laugh. "You're six-two, and I'm five-one!"

"Good point!"

"It's up to you, Jonathan. I can go home or stay. If I stay, we can cuddle, make love, or do what Lily suggested."

"I'm curious just how much Lily told you."

"Enough that I believe I know what to expect and how to do the things she suggested. You can send her a thank-you note afterwards!"

I laughed, "You surprise me with your impishness at almost every turn."

"You helped me come out of my shell, and soon, I hope you'll help me out of my clothes!"

"Maybe impish was too soft; sassy?"

"Says the man who put my pre-chewed gum in his mouth!"

"Point taken," I replied. "And now we come to the first major challenge."

"What's that?"

"CeCi usually spends the night with me on Sunday nights."

"Is there a schedule?" Violet asked with a sly smile.

"Yes, though it's fairly casual. May I propose an alternative?"

"Yes."

"Tomorrow, after the party, come home with me and spend the night. Bring a bag with a change of clothes, and you can go straight to work from here. In fact, just come here before the party so you can leave your bag, and we'll drive together."

"That sounds good. I'm not upset or bothered by CeCi or any other girls. We have plenty of time before we make our baby to figure out the details. We'll see each other at least three times a week outside of work; plus, I get to see you every day at work."

We finished our tea, and by mutual agreement, I called for a car to take Violet home. I escorted her to the lobby, and once she was in the car, I headed back to the condo. When I walked in, I let the girls know I needed to make a few phone calls and went up to my room for some privacy.

My first call was to Natasha to let her know I was going to be in Ohio on Wednesday and Thursday to see a client and that we'd miss our usual night together.

"Don't worry about it!" she said. "I know you have to schmooze your clients, and I'll see you the following Wednesday!"

I thanked her, and once we ended the call, I called Teri to let her know I wouldn't be at work on Thursday. Unlike with Natasha, I explained the real reason for going to Ohio to Teri.

"Jesus," she breathed. "I don't know what to say."

"Me, either. Anyway, I'm not sure what time I'll be home on Thursday, but I suspect it'll be around 9:00pm at the latest. If you want to come to the condo before then, it's cool. Or we can just wait until next week."

"I think I'm addicted! I'll come by on Thursday evening!"

"I'll let Bianca know to expect you."

We said goodbye, and after we ended the call, I called my mom.

"I'm going to leave Chicago around 9:15am," I said. "I should be there around 4:00pm your time, at the latest. I'll drive back on Thursday, though I'm going to try to plan a 3:30pm meeting with a client."

"There's a reception following the burial," Mom said.

"Where?" I asked.

"At the Newtons' house."

"That shouldn't be a problem, given I only need about forty-five minutes to get to my meeting. That gives me a few hours after the funeral."

"I think the Newtons will understand that you need to get back to Chicago."

"Have you spoken to them?"

"Just briefly around noon today, after I found out about Bev from Mrs. Krutke, who was told by her husband, who's a Sheriff's Deputy."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but do you know how?"

"She took something, but Mrs. Krutke didn't know what it was. There was an autopsy performed yesterday, but I don't know what they found."

"Could it have been accidental?"

"I have no idea; was she taking any medication?"

"If she was, I wasn't aware of it. Anyway, I'll see you late on Wednesday afternoon."

"OK."

We said 'goodbye', and after I hung up, I went downstairs to spend time with Bianca, Deanna, and CeCi. At bedtime, CeCi followed me up the stairs.

"OK to join you?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm not shutting down the way I was after Keiko; I'm just...I'm not sure what the right word is."

"Contemplative?" CeCi suggested.

"That's probably a good word. On a more positive note, I'm going to talk to a client in Cincinnati when I'm in Ohio and see if I can get an introduction to an attorney who has Hollywood contacts."

"You want to get rid of me that badly?" CeCi teased.

"Not even close! But you're going to California when you graduate because it's almost a necessity, and I want to be able to help you. When you're a big-time director, I can say I knew you 'back when'!"

"And you had the privilege of deflowering the gorgeous, leggy, blonde director who is the most sought-after fuck in Hollywood!"

"I could see that!" I replied. "It'll be because you don't go to bed with everyone who asks, which will make you all the more desirable. Not that you'll be a nun; you'll just be discriminating."

We went through our bedtime routines, then got into bed.

"May I make a suggestion?" CeCi inquired.

"Sure."

"I think the best medicine for your current state is to spend the next few hours fucking each other silly."

"Why do you think that?"

"You can work out your frustration with what happened and burn off some of that emotional energy you keep bottled up. That's CeCi's prescription! Are you up for it?"

"Not yet, but I'm sure I will be!"

CeCi laughed, kissed me, then moved down to ensure that was the case.

May 28, 1984, Memorial Day, Chicago, Illinois

On Monday morning, I read in the Chicago Tribune about a disastrous flood in Tulsa, Oklahoma, that followed a storm that had dropped nearly fifteen inches of rain in an eight-hour period, resulting in at least ten deaths. Damage appeared to be heavy, and initial estimates put it at over $100 million. While devastating, it wouldn't have much, if any, effect on the financial markets, especially with no trading for Memorial Day. That provided an extra twenty-four-hour cooling-off period, which meant there wouldn't even be a blip.

After breakfast, I did laundry, then spent time with Sofía and Bianca. Violet arrived about 10:30am, and she, Bianca, Sofía, and I left for the house. We stopped along the way to pick up ice at White Hen, as I'd agreed with Jack I would do, and arrived at the house just after 11:00am.

"Got a sec for a private chat?" I asked Jack.

We went into the front room, which was currently unfurnished.

"Did you decide what to do with this room?" I asked.

"Kristy suggested just a bunch of beanbag chairs and a stereo. We haven't decided yet. What's up?"

"I'm going to Ohio on Wednesday morning, and I'll be back on Thursday evening."

"Business?"

"I will see someone at MTB about gaining a contact in the entertainment industry, but I have a funeral to go to."

"Who? I mean, if it's OK to ask."

"It is. Bev lost custody of Heather at a hearing on Friday afternoon and took her own life Friday night."

"Holy shit, Man! I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Not right now. I found out yesterday, so I've had some time to think about it; plus, I had very good talks with Bianca and Violet. Please don't share this with anyone other than Kristy. I prefer Spurgeon to simply see this as a business trip."

"Not a word, Bro. I'll wait to tell Kristy until after the party. Let me know if you need anything at all."

"Thanks, Jack."

We shook hands, then went to help the others set up for the party. It came off without a hitch, and I had a chance to talk with most of my friends. I spent quite a bit of time speaking with Costas and eventually decided to bring him into the small group of friends who knew what had happened with Bev. He agreed, as the others had, to keep it to himself.

"You don't blame yourself, do you?" Costas asked.

"I told the girls I felt there was more I might have done, and they forcefully disabused me of that idea."

"Lily said you bent over backwards to help Bev. And please hear this as from a friend -- she spat in your face."

"I think, ultimately, she was suffering from some kind of mental illness, and despite all our efforts, she refused to get help. Everything that happened fits with that. And I'm not sure anyone could have helped her except a trained therapist. Bev stopped seeing the therapist whom Violet and I both encouraged her to see, and dropped out of the support group. As much as I wish there had been more I could have done, I'm not sure what it might have been."

"I know you dropped everything to help her in Kansas and then dropped everything to help her daughter at the Canadian border. That's the kind of friend I want."

"Thanks."

We shook hands, and he went to rejoin Dustin, Trevor, Archie, and Rick, while I went to talk to Teri and Troy. I continued circulating during the entire party, ensuring I spoke to everyone who attended, and finally, at 10:00pm, when the last guests left, all of us who had lived in the house and Violet cleaned up. By the time we finished, and Violet, Bianca, Sofía, and I had returned to the condo, it was nearly 11:00pm.

Violet and I said 'good night' right away and went upstairs.

"Did you bring a nightgown, or do you need a T-shirt?" I asked.

"I brought a nightgown," she said.

"You can use the bathroom first and change in there, and then I'll change."

"OK," Violet agreed.

She went into the bathroom and shut the door, emerging about five minutes later in a knee-length cotton nightgown. I went into the bathroom, shut the door, emptied my bladder, brushed my teeth, and changed into my black silk pyjamas. I opted for both the tops and bottoms, as it was my intent to simply sleep together.

"Uhm, I've never done this before," Violet said. "I mean, slept in the same bed with someone."

"It's just like cuddling, only lying down," I said. "We get in bed, you snuggle close, and we go to sleep."

I turned on the reading lamp, then turned off the overhead light, though the ceiling fan remained on. I saw Violet was a bit nervous, so I got into bed and patted the mattress next to me. Violet got in, I pulled the duvet over us, and she moved close. I put my arm around her, and she turned on her side and put her head on my chest.

"I like this," she said.

"Me, too," I said as I reached up to turn off the reading lamp.

Violet sighed deeply, and a few minutes later, we fell asleep.

May 29, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

"I wish we could stay here all day," Violet said when we woke to my alarm on Tuesday.

"Your boss is a real slave driver, so I'm not sure that's a good idea!"

Violet laughed, "Not even close! You're a sweetheart, and everyone on the team likes and respects you."

"Do you mind if I shower first?"

"It's your bedroom, and I know you have to be in the office an hour before I do."

I got out of bed, grabbed my robe from the walk-in closet, along with underwear from the wardrobe, then went into the bathroom. I shaved, took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, then put on my underwear and donned the robe so I could go back to the bedroom.

"All yours," I said.

"Why didn't you kiss me goodnight?" she asked.

"Why didn't you kiss me goodnight?" I countered.

"I thought you would kiss me, but you just turned out the light."

"I guess I was being careful," I replied.

"For you or for me?" Violet asked.

"Honestly? I don't know for sure. Anyway, let's get breakfast, and you can shower while I dress for work, if that's OK."

"Yes."

Violet put on a robe she'd brought with her, and we went downstairs to have breakfast. After we ate, we returned to my bedroom so she could shower and I could dress. Once I was dressed, I waited for Violet to finish in the bathroom. She emerged a few minutes later wearing her robe.

"You can hang out until you need to come to the office," I said. "I'm heading in now as I usually do. Bianca comes in around the same time, so you can just come with her, if that's OK."

"It is. The nanny is here, right?"

"Chelsea? Yes. See you at the office."

I walked over, and we exchanged a hug and a quick kiss, and I headed downstairs. Sofía was awake, so I held her for a couple of minutes, then left the condo. Five minutes later, after a quick check with Rich and starting the coffee maker, I was at my desk and ready to begin my day.

I checked on the flood in Tulsa and saw the death toll had increased to one hundred fifteen, but people were missing, so that number was expected to increase, as would the damage estimates, which were now around $130 million. All in all, that would have no effect on the markets and therefore warranted only a brief one-sentence mention in the morning analyst report.

Of greater interest were the Fed's action and our prediction that it would very likely tighten once again despite the jawboning by the Reagan Administration for rate cuts. Volcker was an inflation hawk, and even the slightest hint of accelerating inflation would prompt the Fed to tighten. The trick was figuring out when to loosen the reins so as not to completely stifle the economy.

A review of global events over the weekend showed nothing that would significantly move the market. Once I completed the report, I called Gordon DeLisse at MTB Sports Management.

"I plan to be in Cincinnati later this week. Would you and Marvin have time to meet on Thursday afternoon at 3:30pm?"

"I'm available, and I can check on Marvin. Do you want to book the meeting and keep it even if it ends up just being with me?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll see you on Thursday at 3:30pm in our offices."

"Thanks."

I ended the call, then went to let Mr. Matheson know about the meeting and that I'd be leaving on Wednesday at 9:00am.

"What's the goal for the meeting?"

"Twofold," I replied. "First, I plan to visit every client at least twice a year, four times if they're local. A 'high-touch' approach seems appropriate, especially for athletes who tend to be pampered. Second, I plan to ask for an introduction to an LA attorney who works in the entertainment industry. I think there may be some good prospects in that area, and it's largely untapped by Spurgeon."

"That's a good idea."

"I'm also going to take some time to see my mom, which is why I'll leave tomorrow after the analyst report is published. I'll be back in the office on Friday morning. Tony is aware, and Violet will be here both days to handle anything administrative that comes in."

"Sounds good. Keep up the good work! And find some opportunities to make some serious money!"

"On it!" I said.

I returned to my office, and despite my positive answer to Murray Matheson, I didn't see any good options beyond the Nikkei 225 and the plays I'd already made. There were certainly profitable plays, even in a market in the doldrums drifting lower, but they weren't 'big scores' similar to my play on the Bolivar or my bet on Continental Illinois.

I spent the morning researching and looking for any kind of play and couldn't find any other than the ones I'd already made -- long Sterling Extruder, Staar, and Allied Products, and short Union Carbide, Western Union, and Financial Corporation of America. In reviewing my portfolio, I decided it was time to close out my positions in General Foods, Bethlehem Steel, and Teledyne, making about 15% overall on those moves.

Hawaiian Airlines was approaching the level where I'd be willing to sell, and given their prospects, it was likely someone would want to buy the entire block at a slight discount from the latest offer price, which I'd probably accept as a block that large would absolutely move the market. I picked up the phone and called Joel Steinem.

"You can move that block of HA at any time for 9⅜ in a private sale; if it breaks 9⅝, sell lightly to not move the market. It's OK if it requires several sales."

"I'll put the word out you're willing to part with the block. Why now?"

"There's still around a buck upside, so there will be takers. If we wait until it hits $10, it'll be tougher to move."

"OK. Let me work!"

"Thanks, Joel."

After I hung up, I checked my gold and silver plays, and they were on target such that my December puts would pay handsomely. Once Volcker had started tightening, gold and silver had begun falling, and even additional cuts later in the year wouldn't save them. Gold and silver were disfavored, given US government instruments were yielding over 13% at the moment. A secure, guaranteed 13% return was hard for most people to pass up, but I needed more, as beating the stock market in a down year was not enough -- I had to beat the return on secured instruments as well.

Just before lunch, Violet came into my office and closed the door behind her.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked.

"No. What made you think that?"

"Just you seemed a bit standoffish, I guess. Both last night and this morning. We've been teasing, even after the call from your mom, but then it was almost...businesslike."

"I'm sorry," I replied. "As I said this morning, I was being overly cautious, and mostly for me. How about I take you to dinner tonight to make up for it?"

"Yes, please!"

Through the glass wall of my office, I saw Bianca go to the break room.

"And if you want, we can stop at your place, and you can get another change of clothes. I promise not to be standoffish tonight. It's time for lunch with Bianca."

We left my office and went to the break room to eat. After lunch, I spent the afternoon searching for opportunities but came up dry. That wasn't a good thing, but I was looking at total returns for the year in excess of 25% based on the moves I'd already made. Just before 5:00pm, Thomas Hart called.

"You'll be receiving a 'never mind' letter from the SEC," he said. "It'll simply say they've closed the investigation with no further action. Nothing shows up in your records, though whatever statements or affidavits they might have taken would remain in their files for as long as you hold your licenses. That's nothing to worry about. They're like the files kept on the various letter inquiries they've made."

"Thanks very much. I do need to tell you something confidentially."

"What's that?"

"Bev Newton took her own life last Friday night after she lost custody of her daughter."

"I'm sorry to hear that. You did say you encouraged her to get counseling for her problems."

"I did, to no avail."

"Do the grandparents have custody?"

"Yes."

"That'll be made permanent, and I'm positive their attorney will succeed in having Glen Rodgers' parental rights revoked, if that hasn't already happened."

"I know that was their plan. In any event, thank you very much for the help and the good news."

"You're welcome. I'm still working on a name for you in LA. Let's have lunch in the next few weeks."

"Sounds good."

I ended the call, and five minutes later, I left the office with Violet.