Chapter One

It’s all fun and games until you become 17 and your parents are going through a divorce. I mean, I was expecting it to be honest - there wasn’t a single day where they haven’t fought. My father always hated me, always. No matter what I did or did not - he’d always insult me in every way he could. It was after I turned 12 that he started to physically abuse me. As much as he’d hurt me, I still loved him. And I’ll probably never stop loving him.

But is the love mutual, one may ask? The answer to that question is rather simple and short - no. My father has never loved me. I’ve done everything in my power to get that love and attention from him. It hurts my heart to see children with their parents, dads especially, being so happy and having an actual relationship that has no darkness or any sort of impurity in it. It’s a fire of jealousy that burns my chest.

My mother has been indifferent to me. And so am I. I don’t really care about her opinion of me. Unlike my father, she doesn’t hurt me. She just pretends that I do not exist. Which I am grateful for.

I used to think my father put me through all the spanks, slaps, and burns to make me strong, so that’s exactly what I went on to achieve. I started going to the gym, and for my age, I was buffed. Thanks to my abs and big arms, I was able to get any I ever wanted. If it wasn’t for my dad’s torment, I wouldn’t be getting new and wet pussy every other week.

But no amount of sex could make up for the love I never got from my daddy. Every time he hurt me, I’d stay strong and mutter no word let alone shed one tear. I needed to show him the man I was. It was all good until one day hell broke loose, not from the bodily pain, but from the one of my soul, and I slipped, letting the words in a cry escape my bleeding lips “Why don’t you just love me?”

He looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed - I had never seen so much disgust and hatred. They say that the eyes are windows to the soul - that day, I could see in him that no matter what I did, I would never get him to love me. It didn’t matter how strong or resilient I was. everything I did was nothing but a mere futile attempt.

When I posed the question, my stomach started to burn from regret. Not only did I show my weakness, but now he was probably going to hurt me, physically, even more. Emotionally, on the other hand, I really don’t think he can scar me more than he already has.

Instead, he did what I thought was impossible. “Do you really want to know why I hate you in every way with every atom in my body?”, my father asked.

I didn’t dare say a word. I just nodded.

“Well,” he replied, “me and your mother weren’t always like this. We used to love each other. We used to love life. We had so much freedom. But ever since that condom ripped one day, and you were made, our lives turned upside down. Not only did you ruin our marriage, but you ruined my life. And I’ll always hate you because of you.”

No amount of hitting or kicking wounded me as much as those few sentences did. Without thinking, I asked another question. “Is that why you cheated on Mum?”, I didn’t think about what I was saying, and when I realized what I had just asked him, I was about to piss myself from fear.

“…Yes. I cheated on her because of you! That day, I left the house because you were crying too much. I couldn’t stand to be around you. I wanted to beat you to death at one point. But instead of that, I did something much worse. I went to the club and got drunk, and I was seduced by a girl there. So we fucked. Fuck, it felt nice for once to finally have sex with someone and not to be interrupted by a crying little bitch. I think you know the rest of what happens.”

I didn’t have much time to think about what he’d just said because I was blasted by his fist directly in my nose. I fell to the ground. I didn’t try to get up. I just wanted to die there. Have the ground beneath me swallow me.

To put the cherry on top, he spat on me. I could feel his wet spit landing on my ear, landing down my cheek. That’s the most affection I’ve ever gotten from him. “You are nothing but a worthless piece of shit…”

He was done after that. I think I disgusted him so much he didn’t even want to beat me more. I sat there and cried so much. The warm tears were rolling down my face like never before. He had always pushed my limits, but this time, he actually did finally break me, and I think he could see that.

A few months after that incident, I turned 18. I thought that at least I could finally get a full-time job now and move out, but while I was in the process of my search, I got the devastating news that my parents were getting a divorce. Although I knew the chances of at least earning my father’s respect were slim, now they were completely gone. I really had doubts that he’d even leave one medium to communicate somehow open for me, let alone take me with him. I was stuck with my mother - which again, left her unbothered.

The reason why my parents finally went to cut what was under the law left of their marriage was because my mum had finally started seeing someone. From what I heard them yelling at each other, I heard my mum say “Unlike you, he actually has a stable job, is somewhat of a decent person, and actually wants me around, even when I hate it hard. Oh, and I do have it very hard, trust me.”