The Sailor's Wife

I actually made it to bed, rather than passing out in front of the TV, but sleep was doomed, as I was nodding off upstairs kicked off.

It started outside, I heard them coming down the street, he was making all the racket this time, but she was returning fire with loud blasts.

‘It was a hump backed bridge, you brake, you don’t accelerate!’ He declaimed, all the street must have heard his infuriated roar. I could not make out her reply, it was some sort of warble of sobs and accusations.

I DID tell you to brake! I fucking did!’

‘……..’

‘You insisted on driving, don’t blame me, I would not have trashed the car playing Starsky and Hutch on a five-hundred-year-old bridge!’

‘…….’

‘Fuck what your dad says, you wrecked the damn car!’

‘……’

‘Fuck your mother too! I could not give a shit what that cunt…. YOU BITCH!’

They hit the door, literally, the verbal argument appeared to have gone physical, the door was just the other side of the thin wall against which my headboard rested. My bed shook with the force of the door crashing against that wall.

‘Get off me you bastard!’ I heard her that time, very loud, very clear. The wall trembled as bodies bounced off it.

His voice then, ‘you are not going anywhere until I say so, I pay the rent, this is my place!’ A male scream, another thud, then high heels dashing up the stairs, an enormous bang of another door, above me.

‘You do not lock me out!’ He shrieked. ‘Fucking bitch, I will kill you!’

I sighed, sad to say I was used to these scenes exploding around me, my parents, both my sisters after they married.

Heavy footsteps stamped upstairs, then a furious hammering. ‘Open this door! This is my place! Open it or else!’

I heard a window banging open, and screams coming from outside. ‘Help, help! He is going to murder me, call the police!’

‘BITCH!’ A primal scream of rage, and appalling crashes that seemed to shake the whole house, a Triumphant shout as wood splintered, not that big a deal I thought, the doors were just pasteboard, I could have kicked one in.

‘Get OUT!’

‘You get out!’

I heard the smack, and a shrill scream, a male one again. ‘My nose, my nose!’

A serious of crashes, sharp ones, sounding a lot like pottery to me, exploded above. Heavy feet pounded down the stairs, the front door slammed into my wall again and running steps sounded outside, then paused. ‘I am going to get you evicted, bitch!’

‘Here!’ A female voice called at the window. I heard a smash in the street, a scream of inarticulate rage, then more crashes, lots of them, the male shouts faded as he retreated from the barrage of hurled flatware.

‘Home sweet home,’ I sighed, burying into my duvet,

But before I could slip away my bedroom was filled with blue strobing lights, poking through the edges of the curtains, furious hammering on the upper flat front door and a gloating howl from outside. ‘They have come to lock you up, you fucking mad cunt! Hey… Gerroff me! This is my place, I am the victim! Fucking hands off, no, you shut the fuck up! Right, you asked for this, PIG!’ A shrill shriek. From above a gloating cry. ‘Hit him harder! Fucks sake, do you not have tasers? Electrocute the twat!’

‘Help! Police brutality! Call the shore patrol!’

My bed shook as I giggled, better than Coronation Street! Almost made me homesick. Almost!