Her mother was sitting in her solar, entertaining King Dristaen. Shaun was also sitting, hands in his lap as he politely listened to Deidra. Aiden stared out the window biting his cheek.
Irie waited by the door, patiently waiting to be seen by her mother. She knew this ploy by her mother, for each time someone visited, she had done the same thing – remove her belongings, tell her to go live somewhere or with someone, then wait for an apology to shame her. It was always the same routine.
Whatever truly happened to her belongings, Irie knew not. Her mother provided her a bed and two dresses a year, anything else in her room she bought for herself through hard work and saving up the coin it took to buy it. Sometimes Keefe would gift her a piece of furniture, though mostly, Irie provided for herself.
Her insides churned as her mother caught her eye. Deidra walked over gracefully. Her face twisted in pure smugness. Irie straightened her dress, wiping the sweat off her hands. Her heart beat fast. Irie closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calm herself from the storm her mother was going to bring.
“Yes, Irie?” she said in a condescending tone, loud enough for the others to hear.
Irie came in closer to her mother to whisper an apology, “I’m sorry for what I said to ye earlier,” she said as politely as she could, while adding a smile for good measure.
“Oh?”
Godfrey growled. Irie flushed red.
“I see what yer doin’, lass,” Deidra smiled sharply.
Irie kept a straight face as the three men in the room stared at her. Aiden scoffed at her, taking the invisible attention away from him. Shaun kept his face down, staring at the floor. His fingers strummed against his leg while his lips pressed themselves in a thin line.
“I hope ye can accept my apology,” Irie said, retreating to the door.
“Nay,” her mother growled. “Get back here!”
Irie came back in front of her mother. “Aye?”
“I dinna want ye in the keep. I will allow ye to stay in the keep.”
Irie bowed her head low. “Thank ye.”
“On one condition,” a flashy smile creased her mother’s lips. “Yer a servant now,” Deidra said, her hands clasped happily in front of her. “Ye serve me and this keep.”
“Aye,” Irie replied, though she already worked in the keep.
“Och Irie,” her mother chastised, playing with the ends of Irie’s hair. Deidra caressed her face like a gentle mother as she said, “It’s no’ my fault yer constantly embarrassin’ yerself. Yer so socially awkward. Yer embarrassin’ to be around. Yer a disgraceful foolish whore. And for Corwaithe’s sake, dinna ye care about yer appearance lass?” Her mother pinched the bridge of her nose. “Och Irie… change yer shameful self.”
Shaun got up, excusing himself as he came to the door. He looked at her with a pained expression. Without a moment’s hesitation, Irie turned on her heel and left. She stopped when she got to the end of the corridor. She looked toward the entrance of the keep, at the long row of windows above the thick wooden doors going off into the outside world.
“Irie,” Shaun called.
She looked behind her to see Shaun jogging toward her. “Aye Shaun?” she asked, choking on her words.
Without a sound, Shaun enveloped her in his arms. Irie stood there awkwardly for a moment. She hesitantly wrapped her arms around his torso. More than anything, she wanted to cry. She needed this embrace more than she could ever express; not ever having been held like this.
She felt like a dunce of a woman, always reading or helping in the keep. She had no personality, not much of anything to make a man want her. And here she was, losing herself in her own misery of tears, being held by someone.
Irie sucked in a breath.
“Irie,” Shaun said, pulling her back, “you’re not an embarrassment. You’re not what your mother says.”
Irie looked at him. He smiled at her as he wiped at her tears with gentle strokes of his thumb.
“Thank,” she paused. “Thank ye, Shaun. Excuse me.”
Irie turned, going out the large oaken doors. Looking around the castle grounds, Irie took off. Her feet flying as she made her way to the nearby woods. She needed to get away from everyone. She didn’t want Shaun’s sympathy or anyone else’s. What she wanted was unconditional love from another person. For anyone else to love her besides her dog.
Irie ran until the forest’s edge came to rest under her feet. With a deep breath, she walked inside the dense green woodland. Her feet crunched ferns, broken twigs and old leaves. She walked until she could no longer see any part of the castle. And she felt safe not being able to see the confining stone prison.
She sat on a moss-covered log, bringing her knees to her chest and sobbed. She didn’t know what in this lifetime she did wrong, only she wished she had a mother who loved her. She wished anyone loved her. How in stories, where love came softly, unspoken and gentle.
I’m more than this and more than my name, she thought. Her eyes followed birds flying across the heavens. I will be better for myself and for my clan. I need to be strong. She closed her eyes, savoring the stillness around her and the peace she felt. I am more, she thought with a smile.
“Irie,” a voice echoed through the woods.
She looked behind her; spying Brock and Keefe coming her way. “What d’ye want?” she whined, drying her eyes.
“I wanted to see if yer alright,” Brock replied.
Irie snorted, not believing it for a second. “I’m fine,” she sniffed. “Like ye would ever care.”
Brock shrugged. “I know Mum dinna likes ye but I also dinna like how yer treated for it neither.”
“Ye seemed to like it just fine for years,” Irie retorted.
“Aye, I did,” her elder brother admitted. “People change Irie. I have always been honest with ye even if I were an arse about it.”
“I’m sorry, Irie,” Keefe added. “I always knew she treated ye different. I dinna pay much attention, and I’m sorry.”
Irie wiped her eyes. “No’ much can be done about it, aye?”
Her brothers shook their heads.
“Come sis,” Keefe said, taking her hand. “Let’s get yer books back, and yer violin thing and everythin’ else Mum took.”
“Speakin’ of book,” Brock said, handing her a book with a ribbon tied in a bow around it. “This is for ye.”
Irie moved the ribbon down so she could see the title. “How to Write Calligraphy, the Art of the Goddess,” Irie said, sucking in a breath. “Och, Brock,” she smiled, hugging her tall older brother. “Thank ye very much!”
“I want ye to learn it so ye can write all my letters for me when I’m Laird,” he laughed.
“Only if ye buy me a new book per letter,” she replied, smiling.
Brock wrapped an arm around her. “Deal, wee sister. I love ye Irie. I may no’ have ever said it much, but I love ye a lot.”
“I love ye too,” Keefe added.
Irie smiled, stopping mid-stride. She wrapped her arms around them both. “I love ye too.”
Brock took her hand, snuggling it into the crook of his arm as he led the way back home. The castle came into view faster than what she would have liked to see.
Irie stopped. Her hands began to get clammy. She felt her insides flutter as anxiety overwhelmed her. Brock set a hand on her back.
“It will be alright,” Brock told her. “Nothin’ will happen this time, I promise.”
“Aye,” Keefe agreed. “Mum wilna do a thing.”
Irie didn’t believe them. For years it seemed she was an annoying weed in her family’s perfect garden of roses. She was the weed no one could ever get rid of. So, any promises made to her, made Irie feel angry and doubtful. She learned not to put stock in anyone’s words. Actions spoke louder.
“I dinna know if I can believe ye,” Irie said truthfully, approaching the castle gate.
She looked at her tall older brother who was the spitting image of their father. His soft blue eyes met hers and he smiled. The short cropping of almost black hair cast a protective shadow over his face in the fading light.
Brock nodded his head, sighing as they walked through the open gate. “I know. I will protect ye this time all right?” he said.
Irie nodded anyway. She stopped just inside the door to the castle, peering around cautiously for her mother to be lurking somewhere. She looked around not only for her mother, but for Wallace as well. Both of them were miserable to deal with.
She breathed in deep, reassuring herself of the confidence she felt out in the forest. I am more, she thought, feeling invigorated.
“It will be alright, Irie,” Brock assured, patting her shoulder.
Irie walked toward the dining table, sitting in the exact same spot as last night. However, for her, this night was different. As she went to sit down, Brock and Keefe sat down across from her. Her eyes widened in surprise. A wide smile creased her lips.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Her brothers dipped their head to her. She sat at the low table, merrily chatting with them as plates of food were brought out. It was a treasured moment for her, learning about what her brothers were up to. Brock was corresponding with Brett Flornistas about going for a visit while Keefe was learning how to forge weapons.
Irie turned her head at something catching her eye and cringed. Her mother came out in a low-cut dress, revealing the tops of her breasts, almost to her nipples. Deidra sat regally in her seat with her back to Irie. Her hair was freshly curled, hanging over her right shoulder. The gown she wore was made of peach colored silk, making her look sickly pale.
Irie internally groaned and rolled her eyes. Godfrey hid under the table, showing his teeth in his doggie smile.
“Irie!” her mother exclaimed.
Irie tried not to look displeased.
“Where have ye been all afternoon?”
“With me, Mum,” Brock answered.
“Oh,” she replied, turning back to her flirtations with Cecil.
Irie breathed out heavily. “Thank ye, Brock.”
He shrugged. “It’s the least I can do for ye.”
Brock announced he would be leaving tomorrow to go to Flowermoss. He wanted to establish better ties with their ally and find a bride. Irie couldn’t believe she would ever think this but she was going to be upset to see him leave.
Shaun came and joined Brock at the table, asking if he could come along to Flowermoss. Shaun also desired to establish better ties with the clans of Meerdora and Brock welcomed the idea.
Irie looked over, watching Wallace make his way, stumbling down the hallway. At times, he would pick up his feet so high as if stepping over something large.
“Wallace,” her mother happily called in her shrieking voice, “come here and sit with me.”
She couldn’t place the feeling she suddenly felt. With the Dristaen’s leaving on the morrow along with her older brother, something felt incredibly different. It was as if something ominous was brewing and about to thunderclap over her head. Whatever was going to happen, she prayed nothing was going to get too bad.