“Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve been here,” a man muttered, shouldering a large case with a grunt.

It was covered in stickers, some so faded there was no telling what they’d once been about, and his memory was too faded to remember properly. There was no way to tell, and there was even less to care about when everything he needed was kept in a backpack and an apartment with the best security he could get his hands on. He took a deep, slow breath and felt the rush of magic swell towards him, denser than the smog and the rush of living creatures. It was nearly intoxicating, and he shook his head a little as he shrugged the case off his shoulder and sat down cross-legged, twisting a gold ring round and round on his left pointer finger, the rough callous of his fingers at odds with the smooth body warm metal.

“Right,” he murmured, closing his eyes and holding his hands loosely in his lap. “Let’s see who’s out and about.”

The spark and curl of magic pulled him down and then up, like a spring’s tension being released and he felt himself shift and move before he was staring at a sea of color and brilliance, too dense to be sorted out to the undiscerning eye, though there was only one that had piqued his interest the last month, reports from informants that he half believed and even then, that was a threadbare hope, fragile as the tenuous grasp of religion in La Marcen. A few deep, slow breaths had the colors draining away, bit by bit until it was all grayscale, sharp and distinct, and somehow more painful to look at than when he was letting everything in at once, even if the colors were pretty to look at.

“Please,” he whispered. “Please, be right.”

A moment that stretched into eternity passed as he cast his senses through the city, zipping through streets and buildings, bypassing beings and people that were doing their damn best to hide in plain sight and succeeding with the masses. He made a mental note to check out the pair that were walking with a literal church grim, a pair of women that had brilliantly colorful halos even in the grayscale of his current worldview. It took a lot to tear his gaze away from them and instead return to his search.

It took another moment before he found it, brilliant royal purple that crackled and sparked to the faintest touch, investigative rather than painful.

“Destroyer,” the man breathed.

Or he would have had his mind not been separated from his body. He followed the Destroyer along for a while, watching their path and making note of it before grabbing tight to the wisps of magic left behind them, so much stronger than it had ever been before, and that was a jarring thing all on its own. There were flecks of gold and rich black magic that was familiar, but he pushed it down. Some magics were more common than others, but the Destroyer’s wasn’t that much he knew. Though he didn’t expect the stronger magic out of the Destroyer, there was always room for surprises, it seemed, and there was nothing that they did better than surprises.

The man came back to his body with a rough noise and shook himself out, his hand tingling and the gold ring on his fingers buzzing, and he smiled. He wasn’t going to let the Destroyer slip out of his fingers again, not this time. He bent and picked up his things, then pulled his hood up and started for the main road, pulling out his phone to order a taxi to get to the bank. He had a lead, finally. 

It had been almost two months since they’d been home, settling back into a routine. Edwin was still only on office work and the occasional hit, which would always have at least three people as a backup just in case something happened. Usually it was Carla, Brandon, and Brian, and while Edwin knew he’d be comfortable with Carla and Brandon, Brian was new and yet he felt almost a sense of relief of seeing her. Her green-gray eyes were familiar, bright with humor like she was in on a joke that no one else was but was slowly coming to understand. Edwin wasn’t sure what that joke was meant to be, but she was warm and kind, and the boys loved to be around her, so he was happy enough to spend more time with her. Andre had also returned home, barely a day before Edwin and the boys had tanner and looked refreshed, at least until he learned about what had happened in the facility almost two months after the fact. Edwin wasn’t sure how they’d managed to keep the details under wraps for so long.

“I leave for a three-month vacation, and this is what happens?” he’d demanded, gesturing to all of them.

“I mean, to be fair, you were on a job,” Brandon said with a small grin as Andre looked at him and then at Edwin, who had turned to spin his hair stick through his fingers to keep himself occupied.

“Any time spent out of La Marcen is a damn vacation, but there are always exceptions.”

“Do Carla, Brandon, and I get hazard pay?” Edwin asked with a grin.

Andre full-stopped and looked at Edwin, opening his mouth to respond before he paused and hummed, looking more thoughtful.

“You know, you probably should. You were injured at work.” Andre ran his hand through his hair and Edwin and Brandon shared a look. “I know it was a joke, but you two died and Edwin suffered trauma. So did Fiona, at that point.”

Edwin and Brandon exchanged another look and quietly slipped out of the room as Andre pulled up his laptop and spreadsheets. That had been a week ago, and Edwin was happy to let the other man work out the whole business of finances and logistics of such things. Given that Leonard and Tammy paid their employees - those not in the crew, through the actual businesses they ran, and Andre, Terri, and Heather headed, and there was a sense of income for the rest of the crew, on top of what they took out from their heists. Hazard pay had never been something that came up, not for the crew in the means by which hazard pay would even be something they needed. Between being immortal and just generally not having to think about such things, hazard pay tended to be a slightly larger cut on the jobs they took.

Edwin chuckled to himself as he remembered the conversation from two weeks previous. Andre had finally emailed him about sending a sum and he was logging in to check his bank account. It was a far larger amount than he was expecting, but not nearly as much as a low-stakes heist or a low-tier job. Edwin idly wondered if he could use it to buy Spacey a better cat tree that spanned the wall, something for him to keep exercising with, and maybe get the Boys something as well. 

“Hey, Eddie, can we talk?”

Brandon’s voice startled him, and he looked up, putting a hand to his chest.

“Jesus, Brandon,” he said, turning around to look at the other man. “Why are you so damn quiet?”

Brandon just gave a noncommittal noise, moving around the couch to sit down properly, his laptop in his hands, glasses perched on his nose, and his arthritis wraps around his wrists.

“Couldn’t find your gloves?” he asked.

“Hm? Oh, no. They’re somewhere. Not important. What’s important is that I think we’ve got a breach.”

Brandon frowned at his screen, brows furrowing as he pulled up a few tabs.

“So, the main one is a Reddit account that goes through several years of your activity and has a lot of your movements from the past pulled up through some obscure news articles. They would’ve had to either have saved them or gone to the library to find them, but Hailey says that there’s no way to keep track of old newspapers from the library. Then there are also a few accounts here and there that are spreading information about you - from what I know now it’s false, but I’ve been collecting this for the last four months to make sure that I had everything. I can’t find the IP or anything that’d give me a solid lead. Which makes me even more concerned.”

Edwin looked over at his screen and hummed. “Huh, that’s a higher count of comments than I was expecting, but not too bad. My essay on my movements did a lot better, though.”

“Hold up, you wrote this?” Brandon demanded, eyebrows making an impressive attempt to fly off his forehead.

“Yeah,” Edwin said with a small shrug. “Wasn’t too hard. I’ve got newspaper articles saved, figured I should do something with them, and you said a while back that you couldn’t find anything really on me. Shane made me a Reddit account and taught me how to post to it as soon as we got computers from Leonard and Tammy, and I just started working on it. He and I’ve been going back and forth for a while on points, countering each other so much that the small community around me is torn on who they believe more. Really goes a long way to making my name muddier. No one knows what’s real, what’s fake, and what’s mostly true.”

“So, you just… decided to up and muddle your name? Why?” Brandon asked incredulously. 

“Easy,” Edwin said with a lazy shrug. “It really helped in organizing my memories, back when I was an amnesiac. Now that they’re coming back, I can go back to my written stuff, which is all true by the by, and get leads on anything I would’ve left in the city before. I came here and then left for a bit before I came back, and I think I was looking for something.”

Brandon gave him a frankly unimpressed look. “You don’t even remember what you were looking for?”

Edwin shook his head, reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up a little. A dull headache pounded at the base of his temples and Edwin made a quiet noise.

“Not really?” he started. “I just... I remember it was important. I think...I think it was a journal. Or there was a journal with it.”

Brandon gave him a worried look, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey man, don’t push it. You’ve been trying to sort through those memories for three months, it’s okay that you don’t fully remember.” he paused, gnawing on his lower lip for a moment, thinking. “Would... You are okay if I used some magic on you? You know I’m a luck caster, right?”

Edwin nodded a little, pulling his hand away to look at Brandon, pulling his hair stick out of his pocket to start fiddling with it.

“Yeah!”

“Okay, well, I could give you a little luck for the day, I guess? That’s the only way I can explain it. Maybe it’d make it easier for you to remember.”

Edwin nodded slowly, head tilting to the side a little. “Is that how that even works?”

Brandon shrugged. “Hell, if I know. Offers there if you want it though, dude,”

“Fuck it, sure. Lay it on me, Mr. Magoo.”

Brandon snorted in amusement, giggling. “Mr. Magoo, really?”

“We’ll have to start calling you that as your code name,” Edwin said with a grin. He held his hand out for Brandon to take, smiling at him. “Hit me up, Mr. Magic Magoo.”

Brandon laughed again and put his hand in Edwin’s. “Right, well, let’s hope this works, then.”

His eyes are filled with a gentle golden light and sparks at the corners of his eyes like a sparkler. The light trailed down and around like sunshine fracturing through a crystal. It was beautiful to watch spread down through his body to his arms and finally over Edwin’s hands, sinking into him easily. It was like a jolt to his system that left Edwin gasping and shivering, blinking rapidly. He slowly pulled his hand away, shaking out his fingers a little and looking down at them, fully expecting that something was lingering on his palm or along his fingers, but there was nothing. Brandon was faring a little better, massaging his palm with his other hand.

“Jesus, Eddie, what’d you do that for?”

“What-?”

“The whole spark thing!” Brandon gestured with his other hand.

“I legit have no idea what you’re saying,” Edwin said frankly. “You shocked me.”

Brandon looked at his fingers, curling them slowly. “...Weird. I think we shocked each other. Like a dual static shock.”

Edwin nodded, flexing his fingers slowly. “Stands to reason. What reason that is, haven’t got a clue. Though, don’t feel much different in terms of luck.”

Brandon shrugged. “It’s magic, man, not an exact science. Just don’t tell Heather I said that.”

Edwin grinned. “Deal.” He looked out the window and hummed. “I think I’ll go wander around the city for a bit, see if there’s anything out there.”

“Good idea. Take your phone and when you get back, you’re showing me how you and Shane keep up all the stuff on you without giving away all the secrets. Or pointing me in the direction of shit on you because I need to keep track of that. I’ve been going through the government papers with Brian and Andre, we’ve found a fair amount that may help you.”

“Yeah, when I get back,” Edwin promised absently, standing quickly and heading to the door to grab his shoes, stuffing his phone in his jacket.

He quickly left after that, not wanting to be caught up in another conversation about the governmental papers. There was so much of his life caught up in that, and with the returning memories, they still flinched before settling into place, and even then, there were holes and grayed-out spots that were difficult to find again. Instead, Edwin pushed those thoughts down and away, ruffling his hair while sighing. His hair was brushing his shoulders and had some streaks of color in it from his boys’ little experiment. They tried to make Edwin feel a little more comfortable with the idea of a cooler look. It was appreciated and did make Edwin feel a little normal. It wasn’t perfect, but then nothing he felt was.

The elevator ride down was quiet, and he tilted his head back as he simply let himself exist for a precious few contained moments. Edwin felt like he was raising all three boys on his own again, the drained exhaustion that came from going too hard to try and keep food on the table and then pretending that things were fine for Joseph, Shane, and Maurice, knowing that they knew but still appreciated the attempt at some form of normality. There was an uncomfortable rolling weight in his chest as the elevator slowed, like a ball of tension that wouldn’t let him go no matter what he did. He knew he was immortal, knew that he was so much older than any of them thought he was, but where that landed was still a mystery. So many things were snapping in place and then snapping back out just as quickly, and it left him feeling lonelier than he’d ever been. His sons wouldn’t be immortal. They were going to pass away, and he would continue on. It felt like he was echoing something, though what that was exactly was too distant to figure out. The door opened with a gentle ding and Edwin shifted his weight before he stepped out and into the main lobby, then made his way down into the garage.

He paused as he looked over the various cars and bikes before shaking his head and making his way out the small side door and out onto the street. Edwin just let his feet guide him, keeping his shoulders hunched and head down, letting himself look like every other person on the street absorbed with their thoughts and avoiding eye contact like it increased chances of survival. Thoughts pushed at him, each one demanding his attention and struggling to hold it for more than a handful of moments. His sons, his luck that Brandon seemed to have increased, the shock and horror of what may happen next with everything still cooling, the fear of being alone, the fear of losing everything he’d ever worked to protect and knowing that it was inevitable. It was a terrifying thought, and anyone who’d ever said immortality was a humbling experience had never lived long enough to see the people they loved fade to gray blurs. Edwin curled his hands into fists in his pockets and forced himself to take deep, slow breaths through his nose and just kept walking.

Edwin wasn’t exactly sure how long he’d been walking for. It was nice to walk around the city and not feel horrifically tense about everything that could feasibly go wrong and then watch it go wrong around him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed and answered without looking at the ID.

“Hello?” he asked, almost distracted.

“Jeez, Eddie, you’re starting to sound distracted. Getting too old there, buddy?” Hailey said, amusement clear in her voice, though it was tinged with worry.

“Hah! In your dreams, old man, you’re still older than me,”

“Hmm, you whippersnapper,” Hailey grumbled, pulling out her thicker accent.

“Pfft, you’re ridiculous,” he chuckled, shaking his head, though Edwin couldn’t deny he felt a little better.

“Yeah, but I’m your kind of ridiculous. But seriously, you good?”

“Yeah,” he smiled a little. “Yeah, I’m good. Just needed to get out and walk around, you know?”

“Hmm, yeah I do. What’s got you itching?”

Edwin hummed softly and rolled a shoulder as though his friend could see him, though he knew Hailey would know anyway.

“Ah, very descriptive. I could almost see your noncommittal shrug.” Hailey huffed. “Come on man, I’m not Jess. I can’t read your mind, no matter how awesome that would be. ”

That got another soft chuckle and a small headshake. “It’s just… It’s just a lot, yeah? Like too much. The shit that went down three months ago, the fucking bullshit that we’ve been having to deal with, the aftermath,”

“Yeah,” Hailey let out a slow breath. “Yeah, I get that. But, Eddie, you’ve got to take it a step at a time, okay? There’s only so much that anyone can do to jog them, including you. And I know that you’re scared, and you want answers. You’re not going to get them by beating at a brick wall. You got to find a way over it, or around it. Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, under it. ”

Edwin laughed and shook his head. “I’ll let you know if I ever want to go under a wall, Hailey.”

“I would hope you don’t take that literally, Eddie, since that would be incredibly tedious,” Hailey said a smile in her voice.

“Yeah,” Edwin huffed, rolling his eyes toward the sky. “It was one time I took you seriously.”

“And I will never let you live it down.”

Edwin huffed at the smugness in Hailey’s voice, tinged with something more playful and sweeter, rolling his eyes again.

“Well, thank God you love me enough to not tell everyone else.”

Hailey huffed softly. “Of course, I wouldn’t. You hurt me, Eddie.”

He made to respond before he stopped, pausing as a tingle of magic rolled down his spine, something out of a nest of blankets and comfort, a warmth that tugged him further and further down. He blinked a few times and looked around slowly before he realized where he was; the First Bank of La Marcen.

“Eddie? Eddie, you there?” Hailey’s voice pitched to something falsely calm, and he hummed softly.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he shook himself out a little. “Just...I think I found something?”

“What kind of something?”

Edwin could almost see Hailey bouncing on her toes before rocking back and letting out a long breath.

“Maybe something from my past.” his voice lowered as he just barely kept himself from looking around furtively, suddenly feeling incredibly exposed.

“Eddie. Eddie, breathe. Very good, and again. And again, good.” 

He let out a slow breath, rocking slowly back on his heels, struggling to keep himself upright and not kneeling over from the anchors that tied themselves around his shoulders, their heavy points digging in and dragging him down until he felt like he was split in two. Useless and struggling to hold everything in. Magic crackled along his hands, snapping like small sparks of lightning.

“Edwin. Where are you?”

The words practically punched their way out of his chest. “First Bank of La Marcen.”

“Okay. Breathe buddy, I’ve got you. Just breathe. That’s it. I’m so proud of you. It’ll pass, it’s okay.”

Hailey’s voice melted into the background, but it was soothing and grounding. Edwin felt the weight shift out from him, the anchors fading as he managed to pull himself back together.

“That’s it. I’ve got you, Eddie, I’ve got you.”

Edwin let out one last shaking breath before he leaned back and felt himself start to calm. There was something soft and warm in his chest in knowing that Hailey was there for him and had pulled him back from spiraling down too far. 

“Thanks, Hailey,” he murmured, feeling the tremble in his hands slowly start to fade as his breathing came back under control.

“Anytime, Eddie. I’ve always got your back.”

“I know,” Edwin said, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over him.

“Do you want me to come down and help?”

“If I text potatoes, come down.”

It was a silly thing, but it had been their thing, back before Hailey knew that Edwin was the Destroyer, when they needed something that would be innocuous enough to keep anyone from picking something up but stood out in their conversations. They hadn’t had to use it in almost a year, though, and Edwin knew that Hailey would still remember it after using it for six years, but he wanted to make sure. He could practically hear Hailey’s smile as she said, “Of course. I’ll be there so fast I’ll break the sound barrier.”

Edwin giggled and smiled, pushing his glasses up into his hair to rub at his eyes for a moment.

“Thanks, Hailey.”

“Of course. You feeling better?”

“A little,” he admitted. “I’ll be okay, though.”

“Remember, potatoes, okay.”

“Potatoes. Got it,” Edwin smiled. “See you when I’m home,”

“See you later, big guy.”

Before Hailey hung up. Edwin took a deep, slow breath and rolled his shoulders before he walked into the bank, nodding to the security guard with what he hoped was a friendly smile and that his eyes weren’t bloodshot from unshed tears. There was only so much that he could do about that, however, and Edwin knew that if he’d turned to try and see what he looked like, or flat-out gone home, he wouldn’t go back to the bank at all. There would be nothing to keep him from fleeing from that part, whatever it was, and not bringing it up again.

“Hello, how may I help you?” an attendant asked. Its skin; had a rich almond tone and its hair; a bright pink that was held back in a low bun. Their fingers were moving soundlessly as they drew pictures that only they could see. Their name tag read Frankie and their dark brown eyes watched Edwin with a bland curiosity.

“H-Hi… Er, I’m Edwin Spark. I, um...I’m looking for a box?”

Frankie’s eyebrows rose slowly, but they nodded, bland curiosity sparking into interest. They hummed and started to type on their computer, looking from him back to the computer.

“So, do you have an account number for me, Mr. Spark?”

“Um, so. Here’s the thing.” he rubbed the back of his neck. “A lot of things have happened over the last… Twenty-odd years? I’ve been in a coma for some of it, and it’s not my box, but my mother’s. She passed while I was in a coma, I was told to find it by my partner?” he gave a weak shrug and a fragile smile. “I can give my partner a call, may be able to help more?”

The words were coming faster and easier than he’d expected, and Frankie looked at him and then back at their computer. They made a soft noise, looking from their computer back to him and then back again. Edwin fidgeted with his coat for a moment, wanting to rub the golden coins in his pocket together even though he knew that would be a monumentally bad idea. The hair stick would be good if he wanted to mess with trying to get the short locks to behave again, and he didn’t want to waste more time than he had to. A few other tellers were looking at them now, curious and cautious. Edwin hunched down a little, ducking his head to try and keep from being watched. It made his skin crawl, and he wished he’d asked Hailey to come with him and keep him company as a spark of magic crawled through him and pushed to break through the bear trap jaws, he’d wrapped around it. The push and heave of suddenly having magic was something that he’d never truly gotten used to, the odd shiver of power that made his hair stand up on end. There was a bit of a blur before he blinked, clearing the odd effect from his eyes.

Frankie hummed and then nodded, blinking several times as they shook their head a little. The closest tender looked at them curiously before returning to her work. 

“Well, Mr. Spark, the system has pulled up a box under your name. Would you like to come with me to get it?”

He nodded and gave a weak smile. “Please?”

Frankie nodded and pulled out a ring of keys from a side drawer and then put up a placard that said NEXT WINDOW PLEASE. They nodded to Edwin and said, “follow me, please.”

Edwin let out a slow breath and waited for them to walk out from behind to follow to the door in the back. Their footsteps rang out across the room, mixing with the general low chatter of people and movement. Edwin’s footsteps were silent, and he didn’t have the energy to try and make them make a sound. Frankie led him through the back door and down a short hall to another room before unlocking the heavy metal door with a key and turning the knob. There was a heavy, muffled thunk before they pulled it open and nodded to Edwin. He walked in, forcing himself to remain relaxed and not jump when Frankie walked in behind him, shutting the door before they walked over to the wall of boxes.

There was a simple wooden table in the middle of the room and the lighting wasn’t harsh like he’d expected but instead something softer and warmer, gentler on the eyes. Being in a locked room with a wooden table still didn’t make him feel too comfortable and Edwin had to force himself to breathe slowly and easily without drawing too much attention to himself. He didn’t want to make things worse for himself. Frankie didn’t seem to realize his mild distress and went over to a box, pulled a key up, and slotted it inside.

“Well, I hope that this box helps you, Mr. Spark,” they were saying, voice swimming through the cotton and sand filling his head.

Edwin merely hummed, fidgeting with his zipper. Frankie seemed to take that for an answer and pulled the box out, setting it on the table in front of him. Inside was a decent-sized block wrapped in something. The smell was intense though not unpleasant, leather and ancient beeswax. Edwin reached out carefully, feeling his fingers buzz and tingle as though bees were crawling along his skin and beating their wings. Touching the sealed leather was like a spark jumping from a live wire, sharp and painful and over in a second, and by the time Edwin blinked, Frankie was already leading him back out of the backroom, calmly saying.

“If you need any further services with us, Mr. Spark, please do let us know. Your continued patronage is appreciated.”

Their voice was steady and bland, a line fed for clients and people of import. Edwin just made a quiet noise and zoned them out, running his thumb along the front of the book. The wax was smoother than he’d expected for something so old since it clearly went further back than a few decades, and very faintly, he could see symbols embossed in the dark leather, though time had worn them away, it seemed. They tugged at something at the back of his mind, a trail of thought that went up in smoke and left him with a raw feeling like his heart had been ripped straight from his chest and used to string a harp. Edwin managed to keep himself grounded enough to make it out of the bank and to the front steps, down to the sidewalk and the street before he fumbled out his phone and texted Hailey potatoes.

Hailey didn’t respond, but Edwin knew she’d seen it, somehow. He wasn’t sure how, and he wasn’t going to question it. Instead, he turned his attention to the waxed leather-wrapped item in his hands. It was heavy but not hefty and seemed to be as big as a paperback version of the Silmarillion, and just as thick as it as well, if not thicker. There was a simple well pressed knot keeping the wrap together around the item, and Edwin let out a long breath before he started to pluck at it, mumbling curses as his too-short nails struggled to even pull the smallest bit at it, and while he knew full well that it could be sliced with a knife, he instead forced himself to pick at it until it finally began to unravel, nearly a block and a half later. Underneath was a remarkably well-kept journal, the thick, dark purple leather screaming familiarity, the pages a dark cream and wrinkled from age, but they didn’t look fragile.

Edwin both wanted to read the journal and toss it into the storm drain, and he felt his stomach bottom out a little. There had been so much going on in the last few months, to the point that he wished he’d never gotten his memories back or started to remember. He’d been in pain and scared, but had been ignorant and there’d been a reason for the holes and vague sense of melancholy. Now there was heavy guilt laden with it, faces and voices grayed out and faded to the point that Edwin wasn’t sure if it had been simply time or what the government had done to his mind. He wanted so much, and he wanted none of it at the same time. Edwin paused and leaned against a building and forced himself to simply breathe, wrapping his arms around the journal and waxed leather, squeezing it tight like that would press all the words he hadn’t read into him like a sponge.

“Dad?” Shane’s voice jolted him out of his reverie, and he opened his eyes, looking at all three of his sons.

Shane looked worried, Joseph’s hand in his, both wearing backpacks like they were coming back from the school they didn’t go to, and Maurice was right behind them, worry painted across his face. Joseph pulled away from Shane to walk over to Edwin, taking his hand silently and squeezing. Edwin gave his youngest a weak smile and let out a long breath.

“Hey, boys.”

“You, okay?” Maurice asked, raising an eyebrow.

Edwin opened his mouth, considered lying and brushing it off, before he said, “No, I’ve been better. Definitely.”

“Does it have something to do with that journal?” Shane asked after a beat. “Is that something from the basement?”

Edwin shot him a look, but Shane looked unapologetic until Maurice and Joseph rounded on him, and he looked a little sheepish.

“When did you go into the basement?” Maurice demanded, glaring at Shane. “I thought we agreed to go down there together!”

Joseph frowned up at Shane, squeezing Edwin’s hand hard as he could. He wasn’t sure if Joseph was doing that to keep himself from punching Shane or to try to keep Edwin tethered.

“Look, boys,” Edwin said, drawing their attention. “I promise, pinky promise, that I’ll talk to you about it when we’re back home, okay? Just not right now.”

Maurice scowled, but nodded in understanding. “Alright,” he said finally. “But you’re telling us. No weaseling out of it, Eddie.”

“I swear, I will. And I’ll tell you what was in the cellar as well.”

“Good,” Joseph said with a firm nod and another hard squeeze to punctuate his point.

Edwin smiled at him and squeezed his hand gently in return. He let out a long breath as he spotted Hailey’s car slowing down he got near and rolled down the window, leaning over the center console to smile at the small family.

“Come on in! I heard there was a need for a ride?”

“Shotgun,” Edwin said immediately, smirking at his sons, who had opened their mouths to claim it.

“Fine,” Maurice grunted. “Then I get a window.”

“Why do I have to get middle?” Joseph whined. “Shane gets carsick, and it’s not fair.”

Shane made an affronted noise. “I do not get bloody car sick.”

“What about that time that Tammy was driving?” Edwin said.

“Yeah, but that was Tammy,” Shane said with a snort. “She drives like a lunatic when she wants to drive us up the wall.”

“Well, yes,” Hailey said with an amused snort as they climbed into the car, Shane getting the middle seat as Joseph took the window. “But that’s just what Tammy does. You can’t get away from her there. She’ll drive like a bat out of hell and then a little old granny in a heartbeat. She does it to fuck with people.”

“Yeah, well, wish she didn’t do it to teach us how to drive. I’m never going to get a license. Don’t see the point in it,” Shane grumbled. “We’re already criminals. It’s the least someone would pull me over for.”

Edwin opened his mouth to argue before he stopped and sighed. “You know what? Fair enough Shane.”

Hailey gave him a look out of the corner of her eye, worry clear, and Edwin ignored him in favor of also ignoring the journal still in his arms and instead looked out the window. There was the soft chatter and bustle of the boys as they situated themselves and pulled on their seatbelts, and Hailey held out her hand, putting it between them on the center console. Edwin didn’t hesitate to put lace their fingers together, immediately feeling more grounded and less pulled apart. There was a tether with Hailey’s hand in his, like his Boys. The woman always pulled him back together in the end. There was never a worry when Hailey and his boys were near, no matter how pulled apart he was or how far Edwin felt off kilter. They were always there to pull him back to the center in their ways.

The rest of their family had begun to do the same, begun to learn how to push and pull and get him back to where he needed to be. But Hailey had been reading Edwin for years, and his boys longer than him. It was comforting to know that he had such a support network growing around him, keeping him from slipping into the sieve-like cracks and breaking like his entire being was nothing but a fragile egg.

“I’ve got to say, Tammy at least has a license, so if she ever got pulled over, it’ll be for speeding and not driving without one,” Edwin said as he squeezed Hailey’s hand, feeling the rough callous of her thumb catch now and again on the side of his hand as she rubbed small circles.

“See!” Shane said triumphantly, pointing out the windshield like it had proven his point for him. “I don’t need the thing anyway.”

“I’ll bet you I get mine before you,” Joseph said with a sweet smile that didn’t hide the competitive glint in his eyes.

“Joe,” Hailey said with a smile. “It wouldn’t count because you could have me or Heather forge you one in like, ten minutes. Or Vane, he’s a wizard with that shit. He’d do it in two and it’d be good enough to fool a machine, never mind a cop.”

Joseph huffed. “Doesn’t matter. It’s the-the…” he frowned, looking frustrated. “What’s the word for the like, the soul of a thing?”

“Soul?” Maurice offered. “Core?”

“Point?” Shane said. “Much like the lack of one you have?”

“Sod off,” Joseph snapped, pushing at Shane.

“Principle?” Edwin asked, looking over his shoulder at the trio. “And Shane, don’t antagonize your brother. Joseph, don’t go listening to him either. You know he’s doing it to rile you up.”

“Principle!” Joseph cheered like Edwin hadn’t been speaking. “Principle of the soul thing! I’m going to get my license before Shane and be a better driver.”

“That last one I don’t doubt,” Maurice smirked.

Shane flipped Maurice off and rolled his eyes. Edwin shook his head and smiled, huffing quietly. They would work themselves up into a fit and then calm themselves down, but he kept an ear out for if it got truly nasty. Hailey squeezed his hand reassuringly and called, mostly joking, “Boys, don’t work yourselves into a frenzy. Your Dad isn’t going to be able to keep up with you at this rate.”

“Whose side are you on?” Edwin grumped.

“Mine,” Hailey said with a grin. “And that happens to be a third party that can switch sides whenever I want.”

“Whatever you say, Pops,” Maurice said sarcastically, making Shane giggle and Joseph laugh.

“You hurt me,” Hailey cried.

“And you say I’m dramatic,” Joseph said, causing all of them to burst into fresh peals of laughter.

The rest of the car ride was calm, though the journal felt like it was a boulder in Edwin’s hands. He carried it up to their apartment, Hailey carrying Joseph on his back and shoving Shane and Maurice as she walked between them, laughing about something as they walked towards the familiar door. Edwin was happy that they weren’t going up to the penthouse just then. He didn’t want to deal with Brandon and his questions, or Leonard and his quiet worry, or Tammy and her poking questions that dragged the truth out of him without him wanting it too. Shane led the way inside and headed to the kitchen as he scooped Spacey up into his arms, the cat purring like an engine in his arms, and Maurice went to the fridge, pulling out a handful of Sprites. Hailey bent forward until she was folded nearly in half and Joseph let go of him, rolling himself forward and tucking so he somehow landed on his feet instead of flat on his face, turning around and high-fiving Hailey as soon as he had his bearing. Edwin smiled as he paused in the doorway, watching all of them. The knot in his chest loosened a touch.

He inhaled slowly before letting it out and rolled his shoulders. Then he made sure the door was locked before walking over to the couch and sat down, staring at the journal in his hands, running his thumb over the cover. One by one, his little family settled next to him; Hailey perched on the arm, draping herself over the back of the couch as Maurice sat on the coffee table and Shane and Joseph squished in on either side of her, Spacey in Shane’s arms and Joseph on Edwin’s lap. He just shifted to wrap an arm around Joseph and squeezed him in a half hug, letting out a shuddering breath as Hailey reached out and put a grounding hand on the back of his neck, thumb rubbing soothing slow circles at his pulse point.

“In... In Mama’s cellar, is a lot of things. Things from my past,” Edwin started, voice barely a murmur. “I don’t know where they come from, not entirely. There’s a lot that’s gray and blobby still, and other things that are painful to think for too long. They-they’re getting better though, easier to-to think about. I... I don’t want to think about the government, or what it meant when they took me. I don’t...I don’t remember as well as I should, and I hate that. I’ve been…. Processing what happened. I don’t remember half of it and I’m fine with that. More than, really. I don’t want to. I’d rather forget that part entirely. But you understand that I—I am old, boys.”

Edwin squeezed his eyes shut, words failing him for a few minutes. No one else spoke, not pushing for more when he couldn’t give it. Hailey kept up the soft, steady circles at his pulse point, and Joseph clung to him a little tighter, humming something under his breath. Maurice closed his eyes and took off his glasses, cleaning them with his shirt as Shane pressed into his side further.

“I don’t know how old I am,” Edwin said. “I don’t know, and that scares me. It scares me a lot. I don’t... I don’t think I’m older than Leonard or Tammy? But I don’t like the idea of not knowing and knowing that the answer is somewhere in my fucked-up head, but that getting it out will because a lot more damage than good. This,” he thumped the journal against his thigh. “This comes from Brandon’s magic giving me some luck, and my cowardice is keeping me from reading it.”

“Don’t do something until you’re ready,” Maurice said. “Shit, Eddie, what’ve you been telling us for years at this point? Don’t push yourself so hard, don’t beat yourself up when you’ve done nothing wrong.” 

“You’ve been through hell,” Shane added with a squeeze of his own.

“We love you no matter how old you are,” Joseph added. “You’re our Edwin. Our Dad. Time doesn’t matter. Just means we’ve got you for longer now, and maybe we’ll be like everyone else too and never have to say goodbye.” He shrugged. “But you’ve got us now. And we will not let you go.”

Edwin was shocked at the conviction in Joseph’s voice, something that could only come from a young child. He smiled a little and squeezed Joseph in a hug, putting the journal down in his lap to wrap his other arm around Shane and hugged him.

“You’re not alone anymore,” Hailey added. “You’re not alone in this and you’re going to be okay. May not be today, or tomorrow, or next month. But you’ve got all of us, Eddie. And we’ve got your back.”

Edwin just nodded and sniffled as tears welled up, burying his face in Shane’s hair as all four of them squished in to hug him, Maurice uncaring of the awkward twist to his body to fit into the hug and Hailey half sliding down the back of the couch to wrap all of them in a hug. Joseph was pressed into Edwin’s chest, and Shane was sprawled into Maurice and Edwin. It was a little uncomfortable, but it didn’t matter. It was comforting to be held and to know that things were looking up and that no matter what happened, the floor wouldn’t drop out from under him again.

After a few long seconds of quiet sniffling and the incoherent mumbling, Maurice pulled away, then Shane and Joseph. Maurice rubbed his eyes, pushing his glasses up into his hair to wipe away his own tears as Shane let out a long breath and bumped shoulders with Edwin. 

“We’re going upstairs,” Shane said, looking at Maurice and Joseph. “To the Loft. I want to talk to Brian about some stuff with Fiona and Brandon.” 

“Yeah, and Carla said that they wanted to play me in Soul Calibur,” Maurice added. 

“Oh, and Brian’s going to be up there too! I promised him I’d help him with some magic stuff,” Joseph said, giving Edwin one more hug before scrambling to get off his lap. 

Edwin blinked as the three of them left, calling over their shoulders, 

“Take care of yourselves!” 

Before shutting the door behind themselves. He looked to Hailey, who had shifted off the back of the couch and was sitting next to him, looking just as confused. 

“You know, I’ve raised them for nine years and I still don’t get them?” Edwin said, amused.  

Hailey snorted. “Trust me, I know the feeling.” she pushed herself up with a groan and shook her head. “Come on, let’s get some food in you.” 

Edwin smiled and put the journal down on the coffee table.

“I’ve got some Chinese leftovers,” he said. “And Maurice, go and take out the Sprite. I’ll make the stir fry if you put the rice into the rice cooker. I’m starving.” 

“Well, a lot of emotions all at once make one hungry. And being able to get out will be good for the boys in order to give them some time to breathe. You know I love your cooking,” Hailey said. 

“You love me only for my cooking? I’m shocked! Hmm…” Edwin cried, putting a hand over his heart and sighing. “Whatever will I do!” 

“Oh, shut up,” Hailey huffed, poking him in the shoulder. “You’re so full of shit. You know that I love you for more than your cooking. That is a good secret stash of a bakery that you have.

“Edwin, you don’t even like sweets.” 

“Hmm… Must be you then.” 

Edwin shook his head and huffed as Hailey smiled. It was nice to have the woman so near and to just be able to exist with him. Hailey made his panic dissipate and ate away the tension in his spine until he felt at ease. Edwin knew he took away her anxiety, made her feel comfortable - they’d talked about it more than once, for long, drawn out hours when time felt like molasses and the boys were asleep, stuffed with pizza and sweets, and a movie playing almost silently in the background. They bumped shoulders despite the kitchen being more than big enough to work around each other. It was a familiar, comforting feeling. Quite grounding. 

Meanwhile, they moved around each other - Hailey putting rice in the rice maker, Edwin pulling out a skillet and tossing in the leftovers, pulling down spices and other ingredients. It wasn’t too long before Hailey was leaning against the counter and sipping Sprite as Edwin cooked, taking her drink to take a long swig, snorting at Hailey’s faux shock. 

“You should know better by now,” Edwin said once he’d finished it. “Sprite is not off limits of being stolen.” 

“No drink is off limits from being stolen by you, unless it’s got rum in it,” Hailey retorted. “You’re mad.” 

“Hmm. I like to call it being an opportunist.” 

“You would. Thief.” 

“Quoting Gollum on me? Does that make me Bilbo or Frodo?” 

“I would say Legolas from how well you shoot a bow, but you seem more like the Aragorn type,” Hailey said after a moment’s thought. “Calm and put together, wild man who’s older than he looks.” 

“Is that an insult or a compliment?” Edwin asked, raising his eyebrows. 

Hailey shrugged, struggling not to laugh as he took the rice out of the cooker and plated it up. 

“I’d say it’s a compliment. Means you age well.” 

“We’re immortal, Hailey,” Edwin said. “We don’t age at all past like thirty.” 

“Point made,” Hailey said. “Still’s a compliment. Now come here and dish up the rest of the food.” 

“Fried rice on rice with kung pao shrimp and chicken for you,” Edwin said, portioning out the food. 

Hailey put the plates down, hooking his ankle around the bottom leg of a chair, and pulled it out for Edwin. 

“A seat for you.” 

“Thank you,” Edwin said, grabbing more sodas for them and popped the tab, putting it in front of Hailey before seating. “One for you.” 

“Why, thank you,” Hailey grinned, raising her bottle and toasting. 

“You’re welcome.”

They settled down and tucked into their meal, focused more on eating than on talking. It was a calm silence, comfortable with the peace between them. When they finished, Hailey took care of the plates and Edwin took care of the skillet and rice cooker, both working side by side. 

“What’re you going to do with the journal?” Hailey asked as Edwin was drying the rice cooker bowl. 

Edwin heaved a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. I’m going to leave it for now, though. I don’t want to think about it. It almost sent me into a panic attack just getting to the bank and being in the room. I want to just shove it in my closet.” 

“If you don’t look at it within the coming year,” Hailey said. “I’m going to sit you down and make you read it. I know you, Eddie. You’ll run from this if you give yourself an inch on it.” 

Edwin wanted to snap at Hailey that he knew that there was no point in pushing the issue, that he understood. That there was no point in it. Edwin wanted to be angry, wanted to be upset or afraid. But all he felt was tired and a little annoyed - at himself, at Hailey for knowing him so well and forcing him to face the hardest parts of his past. 

“I promise,” he said, feeling the words buzz through his teeth, promise heavy and sincere. “I’ll look at it in the coming months. I won’t run away,” 

Hailey’s eyes searched his before she nodded. 

“Good.” Hailey put the rice cooker back together and clicked it shut before she looked back. “You want to sit and chill out or go up to the penthouse?” 

Edwin weighed his options for a bit. “Loft,” he replied. “I want to see everyone.” 

Hailey nodded and patted him on the shoulder. “Well, let’s get going then. I’ll keep Brandon off you, but good luck with Brian. She’s a dragon and I don’t want to stand between her and what she wants to do.” 

Edwin blinked, raising an eyebrow. “You said that with an straight face, so I don’t know if you’re being serious or not,” 

Hailey shook her head, smiling slightly. “No, she’s not an actual dragon, don’t worry. But she’s a woman on a mission and I’m not stupid enough to stand in her way and tell her she can’t do something. She’s the kind of person who’ll tear the universe apart and put it back together again if she wanted.” 

Edwin hummed. “You know, I don’t doubt that. She, Heather, Terri, and Carla are terrifying together already. I don’t want to know what they’re like with Fiona.” 

Hailey put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t make an enemy of her and you’ll be fine.” 

“I try not to make enemies. People just want to kill me.” 

“I would say people have a reason to do that, but then that’s you.” 

“I don’t know if that’s an insult or not,” Edwin responded as he lifted Spacey and followed Hailey out of the apartment and to the elevator, scratching Spacey under his chin as the cat purred. 

“—Both,” Hailey said after pausing. “Take it as such.” 

Edwin rolled his eyes and knocked into Hailey, making her stumble like he’d barreled into her. 

“Now who’s dramatic?” Edwin laughed. 

“Still you,” Hailey said, straightening herself out and jogging over to him.

Edwin rolled his eyes but waited until Hailey was back over to him to reach up and press the button to call the elevator. The ride up was pleasant, Edwin leaning against the elevator wall as Spacey squirmed in his arms. As soon as the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened, Edwin let Spacey down and the cat trotted out into the hall and ran towards the penthouse door, meowing and pacing a short ways back down the hall towards Hailey and Edwin then heading back to the door. 

“We’re coming, we’re coming,” Edwin said, shaking his head. “God damn, Book.” 

“He wants his Joe,” Hailey said. “He’s a sharp one.” 

“That cat got stuck in the treat drawer,” Edwin said. 

“Yeah, and he figured out how to get it open!” Hailey pointed out. “He’s a smart kitten.” 

Edwin shook his head. “Well, don’t tell him that or else he’ll get a big head.” he reached out and opened the door and Spacey slipped inside before it was open. 

“Spacey!” Brian’s voice floated through to them and Edwin steeled himself for the onslaught from her and Brandon. “Oh, there you are Eddie! I was just about to call. How’re you holding up?” 

Brian looked worried about him, which surprised Edwin a bit. He hadn’t known her all that long, really in the last two months they’d gotten lunch together a handful of times and mostly just been running jobs together. Brian chattered to him and Carla, and Fiona, and it was nice, but it threw him a bit that she was so caught in the loop with what was going on around him. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Edwin said, pulling out his hair stick from his pocket and twirling it in his fingers. “Well, better now with food in me and Hailey.” 

“That’s good,” she said, humming. “Hey, when you have some time, do you mind if you and I talk?” 

Edwin shook his head. “No problem at all. I’ll be busy for the next two days, but Thursday, I’m taking Shane and Joe to town to get some stuff, but that’s in the morning. You... want to grab lunch? Talk then?” 

“Yeah, sure,” Brian smiled, humming. “And don’t worry, you did nothing. I know that look⁠—“ 

Edwin spun his hair stick faster, offering her a foolish smile. “That easy to read, huh?” 

“Nah, I’m just observant. But, Thursday… you’re not getting out of it.” 

“I know, I know,” Edwin huffed. “You’ll track me down and force me to come.” 

Brian gave him a look, something in her eyes that made Edwin hurt a little, a tension in his chest that pulled taut and threatened to shatter through to his heart and impale the fragile, bruised muscle. He blinked, breathing in, and the look was gone and so was the tension. Brian smiled at him and Hailey, nodding as she kneeled to scratch at Spacey, the cat rubbing up against her legs, leaving cat hair all over her jeans. Brian just cooed at the cat and reached out to scratch at his chin and pet him before Spacey sprinted towards the hall where Joseph and Brian’s laughter could be heard. Maurice and Carla were sitting in the kitchen, chatting with Tammy and Cole about something - Carla was animated, their hands waving around as they made their point and Maurice was shaking his head as Tammy nodded along and Cole just looked like he understood what they were talking about. Shane, Brandon and Fiona weren’t anywhere in sight, and Edwin was a little worried, if only for what they may be up to. 

“Hey, Brian, you haven’t happened to see Shane, Fiona or Brandon, have you?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I talked to them earlier. They’re fine. They’re with Leonard up in his office. And Brian, Joe and Heather are all in your old room - Heather’s been teaching them both how to work on their magic. She wanted to keep it in one room and space that Joseph felt comfortable with - runes are tricky and he’s been reading them for months, but with the magic snapping free all at once, she wants to get him, and Brian used to keep a proper grimoire. Brian’s magic is different anyway, but it’s good for him to get used to having one.” 

Edwin was feeling a little lighter and, at the same time, awful. Joseph shouldn’t have had to worry about his magic snapping as it had, shouldn’t have to worry about learning to contain everything and pull himself together so fast magically. He should have been able to be a kid, to exist without the pressure that came from having it, no matter how badly Joseph may have wanted it. Sickly yellow magic burning binding runes into Joseph’s tiny wrists, the fat tears and terror on his little face flashed in front of Edwin’s eyes for a moment and he felt breathless with rage and sorrow all at once, like the emotions had punched the air from his lungs. 

“Eddie?” Brian’s voice hit him first. 

“Just memory,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s okay.” 

Brian didn’t look like she believed him, and Hailey gave him a flat look, but Edwin was already moving. If there was one thing that he’d gotten good at through the years, it was avoiding questions. What use did it serve him if he used all his time fretting? Nothing but migraines and panic attacks. Edwin strode up the stairs towards Leonard’s office and put things out of his mind. He’d gotten good at it for a reason, after all. 

The next two days passed in much the same way; Edwin avoided anything that may have been about his past by flat out ignoring it. He knew he couldn’t keep it up forever, but Edwin didn’t want to deal with it. He had time, after all. The journal was stuck away in his bedside drawer. It wasn’t perfect, but it was out of sight, even if it wasn’t out of mind. Instead, Edwin spent time with Leonard in his study, just happy to read and exist away from the noise of people worrying about him. When he needed to move around and get around, he, Tammy and Fiona went on long drives through La Marcen, Tammy cranking up the radio for them to sing along with. Tammy took them to the boardwalk, empty as it was, and they had fun tossing stones into the ocean, leaning over the railing and talking about nothing in particular. It was a pleasant reprieve and got Edwin feeling a little close to an even keel. That night, they ordered pizza and had movie night; Carla, Brandon, Andre, Hailey, Brian and Heather were all squished in, relaxed and loud as they ate and poked fun at the movie.